I believe, that grief changes.
I believe, that grief lessens.
I believe, that grief itself does indeed get easier.
As the full out meltdowns seem to become a thing of the past, and the gut wrenching tears become less frequent, there is, however, one thing that becomes more profound.
For the last few months I have been feeling a certain way.
I believe it began shortly after the one year anniversary of her passing.
Michelle’s birthday was in November. Christmas, of course, in December. January the month that she was called Home.
Not only did I gorge myself for those three months, to the tune of an additional eight pounds, but I grieved.
Her birthday, the Holiday’s, and the day that she passed away.
It was so much more than that though.
Those three months were so difficult, as every day I relived the horrific memories that they brought with them.
The last three months of her epic cancer battle.
But, I got through it.
The first year passed, and my intense grief began to fade a bit.
But, something else reared its ugly head.
Something, that I was not anticipating.
Something, that I did not think was even humanly possible.
I started to miss Michelle, more.
I started to feel the absence of Michelle, more.
Fifteen months in to this journey I have learned so much.
And now, I have learned this:
Hardcore grief lessens, a bit.
Hardcore grief eases, a bit.
While the moments where you catch yourself on the floor, with tears coming down so hard, that you fear you may wake a neighbor or break a rib, become less and less frequent, absence grows.
The hours and days tick away, and we grow to feel further and further away from them.
Somehow. Someway. We miss them more.
Somehow. Someway. We feel their absence more.
We ache for their hand. To hold it just one more time.
We ache for their lips. For just one more kiss.
We ache for their smile. To see it even for a second, would bring us the ultimate bliss.
We ache for them.
For their presence.
For their very being.
For just one more second. Of just one more day.
We miss them.
Now more than ever.
We miss them in everything that we do.
We feel their absence in every breath that we take.
Yes, grief changes.
Yes, grief lessens.
Yes, it does get easier in time.
The missing though. It gets worse.
The absence though. It intensifies.
That is why ‘We aren‘t over it yet’.
That is why we NEVER get over it.
The longer that we go without them, the more that we miss them.
© Copyright 2017 John Polo