Monday, June 29,2015 I loss my spouse. I found him unresponsive beside our bed in our house.I fell to my knees as,I screamed,” Lord ,PLEASE do not take my husband away from me”!

My husband’s face displayed a sadness that could be felt all through our place. His eyes were still wide open.They said ” Baby, I am sorry.I tried to hold on, just please baby, take care of our son”

My 17 year-old daughter’s cries and screams broke my shock.Instantly,I remembered to listen for breathing,tilt his head, blow in his mouth twice,clasp my hands, position them on his chest,perform 30 compressions and do not rock. I remembered my CPR training.

I remembered to blow slow ,deep breaths into his mouth. Ha, I also remembered he never like for me to put my tongue in his mouth.As I continued CPR ,I could see his chest rise. I was also praying he would cough or blink his eyes.

I repeated this routine which seems like forever!Then, I stopped, paused and yelled” Roy’ale LaTassja”! Roy’ale LaTassja  is my only daughter and my husband called her his “Barbie Doll”. I begged for her to call 911, but she was so horrified that she grab her little brother by the hand and they ran.

I cried,  pleaded, and finally I cursed. I yelled” Roy’ale LaTassja bring your ass back here! ” “You must help me save your Dad!”She cried, cried, and sobbed,” Mommie, I can’t!” “Is Garren dead?”I replied, ‘I- I think so, but I can’t give up, I can’t give up, and I can not let him go”!

She dialed 911 and threw her cell phone towards me. I caught it in mid air.I cried, ” help, I have an emergency, I think my husband is dead”!The 911 female operator asked me to slow down.She could not understand what I needed, but all she did was anger me and upset my spirit.

She started to read CPR instructions. I said,’Ma’am, I have already begun!I continued CPR till paramedics arrived, along with MPD. It seem so long.

It was less than 2 minutes, when I heard ” he has flat lined call it!” I staggered to my kitchen and fell on the floor, crying and screaming at God. “God, what are you doing”? Why are you doing this to my family? Why did you take my husband from his son?I can feel pain and I can feel anger in my soul.

Our son, Garren II was in shocked. He had been at home with his Dad since 4 that morning. I had left  and drove my daughter to college orientation at  the University of Arkansas Pine Bluff (UAPB).He stood locked in place, as he chanted ” my Daddy is gone, he left me. He is gone , he left.”

That day my world changed. People changed, I changed! I felt as if I was going to die, too. I realized my dreams were never coming true, cause I had loss you!

Yep, It is Monday! Monday came, again! Monday is here and so am I!