Following my late husband’s death, for some reason, I was filled with an intense desire to become a totally honest person. It’s not that I had a problem with honesty before Ray died. Well … maybe a little problem. After all, I believed the occasional white lie hurt no one.
As I began my journey through grief, it became very, very clear to me that, yes, dishonesty – even the white lie – can do harm. You see, I was actually telling that white lie to myself because I was hiding my true feelings. And the person I harmed the most was me.
The dishonesty of not sharing my feelings was based on fear.
… the fear that if others knew my true feelings I would be rejected
… the fear that I would make a mistake
… the fear that I would say or do the wrong thing
… the fear that I would make a fool out of myself
… the fear that no one would ever love me again or as much as my late husband loved me
… the fear of failure
… the fear of being alone
And the list goes on and on…….
To me, honesty means to be one with what is, while dishonesty means being disconnected from what is.
Embracing honesty is embracing love. I know that only by embracing honesty am I able to move my life forward without fear. At times, I have used my words and said, “I was just being honest,” in order to get a reaction or to make/prove my point. Unfortunately, this only created drama in my life.
On the other hand, honesty isn’t necessarily just saying something nice or being sweet. Rather, I believe honesty is to be CLEAR about your feelings and desires. Moreover, honestly knowing that you matter, that you are of infinite worth, that you are worthy of love, simply because you’re here on this planet, is the only way to truly BE HONEST.
Losing your most intimate life partner to death can be really scary, especially as you try to figure out how to go forward in life. By embracing honesty, you embrace love of self and, perhaps, this can provide renewed strength and hope as you walk your own widow journey.
