I bet most widows don’t talk about the bad or hard parts of their relationship with their deceased partners. Many of us don’t have people who are willing to listen and not criticize what we are saying. We still love them, but sometimes they were buttheads. Sometimes we were buttheads too.
I’m sure my husband and I looked like we had a perfect marriage. When he died, I didn’t discover any earth-shattering secrets, but some people do. What I did discover is that we didn’t fix the issues that made our relationship hard. At times our life resembled the wild west. The rules were suggestions. We started “picking our battles” because it wasn’t worth the argument anymore. During his sickness and death, that attitude didn’t work for me. I realized I was uncomfortable in my own life. The worst realization is that I will never have the answers to how we got to this point.
You buried their half of the story with them. As much as we would like to, we can’t confront them like we can everyone else. I’ve yelled at my husband’s headstone numerus times. It’s only given the cemetery staff a show. I didn’t feel any better because he wasn’t physically in front of me absorbing my wrath.
We must be able to talk about the things that keep us up at night. Not everyone will want to hear about the bad…. then the good. Being angry is just as normal as missing and loving them. It’s part of the rollercoaster we didn’t want to be strapped into.
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Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 12 through Sunday, May 14, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: http://getmeregistered.com/WidowsofHope5K
About Nicole Jacquez
Nicole “Nikki” Jacquez started her journey in July 2020 when her husband, Jeremy, was diagnosed with stage one pancreatic cancer. Jeremy fought bravely but lost his battle in January 2021. He left behind Nikki, their daughter Mia, and countless friends and family. Becoming a widow at 29, Nikki has made it a priority to help educate and have open discussions about the unexpected in life. Nikki has made it a priority to live life to its fullest and to keep having as many adventures as she and Jeremy would have had together. Nikki is learning to live her next chapter in life and is hoping to help other widows be able to do the same.