Seeking pieces of a broken heart after life defining loss is a long difficult journey. Hiding painful wounds is something we learn along the way, and sometimes the hiding places become sacred burial ground that gives us a way to cope with our changes. A venue to look “functional” in that good’ ol “New Normal” What I didn’t realize until recently, is that I became a master at the art of hide and seek. Hiding more than seeking. The only thing I was seeking out were strong boulders to hide all the “things that go bump in the night behind.” I learned quickly that wonderful memories as well as horrific ones felt best hidden in sacred burial grounds; undisturbed.
And then one day a most curious thing happened. A man with deep caring eyes saw my broken heart and wasn’t afraid to play hide and seek with me. He was the “seeker” of all the hidden things, and he knew finding them was the first step, the first bandaid for that broken heart of mine. I wasn’t really looking for a team player, but he was brave enough to show up anyway. He wasn’t afraid to call me out on it all, and go hunting for them..'”one two three…..ten! Here I come ready or not!” I was not ready...I liked my boulders!. They were strong, hard to move, and kept me out out of harms way of my very sad thoughts, or so I thought. But nonetheless, this man with deep caring eyes was fearless about looking around boulders, all of them, and called out the monsters hidden there without hesitation. He brought them back to me in a box and opened it, and made me see these horrible painful memories for what they were; moments in time, moments that have come and gone and all that was left of this sadness and pain is what energy I chose to put into it. Nothing to hide from… and having them hidden so well only kept my heart in a place where there would never be enough bandaids.
It was the first time I ever let anyone else win this game, and ironically, it was the only time, I did not lose.