A little while ago, I found a paper stuck in a copy of large print scriptures I use at home (I feel 30, but my eyes think they are 70).

On one side of the paper, I had hastily scrawled my husband’s condition after his strokes. The numbers showed the path his brain took in its swelling. I noted he has room in his skull for the swelling. He had a staph infection and he was the same neurologically, “or worsening”. There were notes about what the doctors had done to try and figure out where the stroke causing clots came from and that he had edema. It went on and on. I have to tell you, it was kind of hard to read it.

The other side of the paper had a few more notes about his condition. I had also jotted down four quick memories about him as well. The bottom of that paper had funeral plans written on it. Wow, that escalated quickly, didn’t it?

I looked at that paper and marvelled at how I have grown since October 2012. I have huge scars, but I am still here. I have a much healthier, broader perspective of our eternal nature and the role of life and death in our eternal existence. I am more self-sufficient than I ever thought I could be. My love for my fellow man has grown. While I am not happy my husband died, I am so thankful for what that experience taught and continues to teach me.

The paper reminded me of how sick my husband was and gave me reassurance our decision to remove life support was right (sometimes little doubts creep in). I smile thinking about how he would show up at city council meetings with flowers because he knew I was going to have to make some tough decisions that night. I laugh at the thought of his Zippo lighter app on his phone and how he used it at a concert in the park.

I am glad I found the paper. Maybe I will put it back in my scriptures to be found again.