Today I found myself with a little time to go through my husband’s email and Facebook accounts. Yes, I know his passwords because he would forget them and ask me.

As I scrolled through the emails that filled his inbox, I was reminded of what his interests were. There were lots of Facebook notifications, but I think those were because he didn’t take the time to turn them off. He even had a friend request since his death, which I accepted. I hope I didn’t scare someone with that action. There were emails from the State Extension Service, reminding him to tend to the pests that may be in his trees. There were applications for hunts and Boy Scout reminders. I smiled as these emails reminded me of his many interests and service performed.

I came across an email from me, written nine months ago. I was not prepared to see that email and had forgotten I sent it. According to the email, I could feel his presence when I was writing it. I told him of my love, I am trying my best, and that this experience is not for sissies. I told him how much I missed him and thought he was missing me. I expressed my appreciation to friends and family who have been so supportive to me. My closing choked me up when I read it: “Don’t forget me, okay?” I don’t know why I thought he might forget me, but I don’t think he will. After all, he called me “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. How can you forget someone named She Who Must Be Obeyed?

In the end, I enjoyed reading the email I sent him. It gave me a glimpse into what I was feeling at the time and caused me to think how I have grown since then. Maybe I will send him another one.