I read somewhere that tears are a gift from God because they cleanse the soul. In the early days of my mourning, I remember crying so often and hard that, at times, I could hardly breathe. I even had grief induced migraine headaches. I never knew what would trigger my tears, and it felt as if I had no control over my emotions.
As I look back, I’m grateful I didn’t avoid or resist my tears because I know that sidestepping your pain only postpones it.
I found grief to be like the waves of the ocean – sometimes calm with predictable waves and at other times a raging all out storm with absolutely no predictability whatsoever. All I could do was ride the wave and feel my emotions. And yes, after a while, I came to realize that the tears would bring me relief. In fact, after the grief wave hit the shore and started its retreat, I would feel intense relief from my emotional pain.
For those of you who are new to this widow journey, please know that we, your widow sisters, have felt the overwhelming emotions of early grief. We have shed a million tears, and we still shed tears of sorrow. For many of us who are further along on this journey, we also shed tears of joy as we feel the intense gratitude of being able to go forward living a life that honors the life of our late husband and the love we still hold in our heart for him.
I am really new to this group as well as in my grief. My husband passed Oct 9th 2016. We found out that he had cancer due to Agent Orange and the Lack of care at the Durham, NC V.A. Hospital.
We found out in August of 2016 4 days before his 70th Birthday! 2 months later he was gone. This is not how it was suppose to happen. We were suppose to grow very old together.
I just celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary by myself. It was so very hard. I think I cried all day long and all night long. This coming Tuesday will be 7 months that the love of my life my best friend, my husband and true love will be gone.
Some days, I just don’t want to get out of bed. I am all alone.
Why does it have to hurt so much.
He left me with nothing but a mess. Howard was 100% disabled from Vietnam Veteran, which meant we could not get life insurance, so all I receive is a tiny check from SS.
I went and got a job, which they all say change nothing for a year. Well let me tell you, my job is no big deal, but it gets me out of the house. I am around other people and it has helped me so much. (a job for the first time in 36 years)
I have to sell our home in order to continue to live. Which is a good thing. Moving closer to my sisters.
Thanks for listening to my sorrow.
I am a new widow. My husband died quite suddenly this past August 29th. Thank you for posting this message. It is comforting to know, I am not alone in these feelings. I try so hard to be “strong” so I don’t make others uncomfortable with my grief. There are days that I come home from work, (I am an RN Educator for MS) and I almost collapse with grief because I hold it in all day 🙂 I just wanted to tell you how lovely your message is.
You are in my prayers now~ Kate