I often sit back and wonder what my life would have been like had I not lost my father at the age of 6. I was a little girl who needed her daddy. Why would God take him from me? What did I do to deserve this? Was I a bad child that didn’t deserve a daddy? I heard the words coming out of my grandmother’s mouth, “Your dad has gone to be with the Lord.” Okay but what does that really mean? So many questions and it seems that the adults around me are not telling me what I need to know. Everyone seems to be more concerned with my grandparents and my mother but what about me? Why am I just lost in this whole process? I’m angry not sad because I want my father to come back!! A lot of times the smaller children get overlooked in the process of dealing with death. I need people to remember that they have feelings as well. They may not understand the emotions that they’re dealing with but they are real emotions. All I wanted was the love of my father just like all of my friends had. That void in my life would eventually take me down a long dark road one that took me years to recover from. I was A Little Girl Broken which turned into A Broken Woman.
About Christina Saunders
I agree with all of you. My son is 4 and he always tells, remembers and asks for his dad. It’s so hard and painful to look at him and talk about daddy in the past. It’s been 4 months without him. I hate the feeling of drowing, can you feel It?
yes. I absolutely experience the drowning. And the suffocating. Especially after I see my children in distress. They are living through something no child should ever have to endure and it isn’t fair. It makes me angry
I sometimes still feel like I’m drowning even at this age. The anger made me feel like I was suffocating because he wasn’t there to see what I accomplished and he wasn’t there to protect me during the bad times. I have to rely on others to tell me who he was as a man. That is a difficult thing.
Christins I can not tell you how much I welcome your insight. My kids struggle with my husband’s death greatly. I tried really hard to help them with every form of therapy I could. But at a point my sons anger was out of control. I sent him a couple times to the hospital and often had to call the police for assistance. This made him feel unwanted, but he never for one second unwanted. They are older now and far from where they are, but still deal with so much pain. My daughter lost her daddy. My son in the course of 2 years found out my husband wasn’t his bio father, lost the only father he ever knew just a yr later, murdered by a man he looked up to. I can’t wrap my head around it all still 9 years later, they sure can’t either. So whole heartedly I value any insight that no one could know except a child who’s also lost. Much love to you beautiful lady.
Jennifer, Thank you! I pray that I can help to bring insight about how this pains the children. We sometimes find it hard to share with our mothers because we see the pain they are in.
This is probably the most difficult of all the issues I’ve dealt with since my husband died. It still pains me today to think that my children hurt and cry over their father’s death. I pray that through your eyes I can help them in some way through my understanding…
I pray that what I share with help others understand just how difficult that pain is to the children.