On my dresser sits 2 pairs of goggles.  The rose colored goggles I’ve worn my entire life and my new widow goggles.

Each morning,  since the last 2 years, I have to make a decision on which goggles to put on.  I want to wear my rose colored goggles, these have been good to me.  They have helped me live my life with a untrue optimism, cheerful, happy, and only seeing life in a positive light.  Living my life like I and my family are immortal and nothing bad is going to happen.

My rose colored goggles have showed me things like Happily Ever After, Till Death Do Us Part, Growing Old Together, Retiring Somewhere Hot,  Walking Our Daughter Down The Isle … All great things … All Lies.

My rose colored goggles showed me that I was invincible and even more so that my husband was invincible.  With my rose colored goggles on there was no Cancer, there was no Death and there was no Widow.

My rose colored goggles and I are not friends anymore.  They are that friend that always lies to you.  Gives you a hook for you to bite on and believe and once you have latched on and believe, they make you sink.  There is no such thing as Happily Ever After.  There is no such thing as Death Do Us Part.  There is no such thing as Growing Old Together.  We are definitely not invincible.  My rose colored goggles have been smashed and thrown out. I don’t need them anymore.

I now wear my Widow Goggles everyday.  With these on I can see clearly.  When I wear my Widow Goggles, I live each day to the fullest.  Like its gonna be my last day, because lets be honest we never really know when our last day is.  I know longer live life with the fear of death, but embracing death, and using it as a reminder to enjoy life.

With my Widow Goggles on I live for experiences.  I live to make memories.  Time is free, but its priceless.  You can’t own it, but you can use it.  You can’t keep it, but you can spend it.  And once you have lost it you can never get it back.  This is my new mantra.  This is how I live and I urge all of you to live.

My Widow Goggles have shown me that we have one life to live.  That life is not infinite.  Live each day to the fullest.  Live with gratitude and grace.  And remember that each day you wake up and have opened your eyes, it means that someone else didn’t open their eyes.  Someone else died and left behind a wife and a 5 year old little girl.  Someone else didn’t get to finish their wishes.  Someone else would give everything to be where you are and have just one more day.  Someone elses’ Rose Colored Goggles got smashed.