It’s been 3 ½ years since we lost him. It was a 12 week whirlwind from start to his death and he was just gone. Like that…so quick. Too fast.
When I talk to my youngest J3 about his dad and we chat about memories, I am amazed at how he makes me feel like it was just YESTERDAY that we were with him. That we were a family of 4 on all of these adventures together. Laughing every single day and so happy.
J3 and I did the 5k Hope for Widows walk together this past weekend. This was my 3rd year doing it, but his first. We walked together at a local park that has a trail around a small lake. J3 remembered that his dad took him fishing there many years ago.
You see J3 was 8 when his dad died, one month from turning 9. I was always worried that he didn’t have enough time with him to keep him alive in his memories, but I was so wrong. He recalls things that we did together, or funny times, SO much more than I can.
We talked about how we moved to California in June 2015 (he died February 2017). We were talking about ALL of the places we went in that short time as a family. All the adventures he took us on. He didn’t know that he was going to die so soon, that was something that hit us hard and fast. But it seems as if we packed so many memories when we moved out there. As if we made the last year and a half of his life the way he wanted it.
We moved there for his dream job and during that time we had some great adventures. We went to San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, Vegas, Hoover Dam and discovered all the cool places in and around LA where we lived. J3 and I counted. We got to 22 things within 18 months. The last 3 were when he was sick.
J3 remembers so many details that I forget sometimes. He talks about the most random memory that wouldn’t have even come to mind for me, but for him, it sticks out as something important, or significant. I am in awe that at such a young age, he remembers so much. It makes me so glad. His dad is so fresh in his mind…sometimes it makes me feel like he was just with us. That makes me sad as well as mad. The memories that he has, make them come flooding back for me. I hate that he is growing into his teens years without him. I hate that they are never going to make new ones together, and his dad will never be able to see how he is so much like him.
A child’s memories are precious. I hold on to them so tight. They remind me of the most happiest moments of my life. I am glad that my son can look back at those times and smile.