Never before has a New Year been so anticipated during our lifetime.
While there have been many eulogies written regarding 2020; I write from a different vantage point – that of a widow and, once again, a survivor – with wisdom to share.
2020
- we collectively celebrated every-day heroes, witnessed environmental renewal, developed and honed hobbies, appreciated family and discovered a vaccine in miraculous speed
- a year of death, unemployment, poverty and divisiveness
- loneliness became a constant for many
Surprisingly, although I live alone (with my dog), the solitude and isolation seemed less difficult for me to accept than for many of my mostly married friends. Their lack of patience and day-to-day negativity during this pandemic continues to surprise me.
Why am I able to withstand the pandemic better than others?
I believe it is because I am a widow and have had to accept the constant uncertainty of life in order to survive after loss. For us, life had already been forever disrupted and our new reality is a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs.
I am certainly not saying 2020 was easy for me; but, I quickly moved forward understanding that there was nothing more I could do but accept the rules and responsibilities and etch out a revised lifestyle.
Lessons Learned
Our loss has taught us many valuable life lessons:
We understand that there shall never be ‘normal’ – now or after the pandemic. We have learned to grab onto moments of joy and calm as they are precious and fleeting. We have learned to SURVIVE uncertainty and change.
The words of Professor O’Donnell are so insightful; yet, difficult to swallow:
“Uncertainty is chronic
Instability is permanent
Disruption is common
And we can neither predict nor govern events
There will be no new normal
There will only be a continuous series of not normal episodes,
Define prediction and unforeseen by most of us until they happen.”
-Professor Edward T. O’Donnell
Temporary
This pandemic is temporary.
As the Professor asserts, it is another unwanted disruption we cannot control and must accept.
No one knows what 2021 will bring.
What I do know is that we can and WILL survive whatever life throws our way because we are resilient and strong (even if we don’t always feel that way). We have become flexible like a rubber band.
New Year’s Wishes
I wish all my widowed sisters a New Year filled with hope, health, strength and happiness.
Drop me a line and share the skill-sets that are helping you cope on this roller coaster called life.
Together, we shall help one-another to survive and flourish.
Forever evolving,
susan
About Susan Kendal
On May 20, 2014, Susan’s world came crashing down. Her 54-year old husband passed unexpectedly of a heart attack. The years since have been a whirlwind of emotion, trauma & joy (yes, she said joy, thanks mostly to the birth of her grandchildren).
Over the next 5 years, Susan experienced additional heartache following the death of her dad & both of her brothers. She knew her only way to make sense of all her grief was to find a way to use her experiences to help others.
Now, armed with a grief educators certificate from David Kessler, a coaching certificate, her learned experience and inspiration she has set out to make a difference in the lives of the bereaved.
Living with loss is a lifetime challenge. When someone dies, friends and family rally around the bereaved for a short time. Soon after, the conversation changes from one of comfort to one of anticipation and judgement. The bereaved are given a time frame to “get over it”. This antiquated notion leaves no option but to grieve in silence. Often silence can become isolating and cause mental and physical health issues.
Susan educates society on how to help those who are grieving by using her voice to speak up and share her learned and lived knowledge.
Susan encourages collaboration and dialogue so please reach out to her at evolve beyond grief on her website, Facebook and Instagram.