Suggestion : You need to tell people what you need. Be specific. 


I met a young widow (very young, in her 20’s, her fiancé died in an avalanche…tragic), and she had posted on social media an extremely specific list for her loved ones to help with.


I was awed and inspired by this young millennial widow, and her innate ability to use her resources so acutely and efficiently. That, my friends…is a Badass Widow.


And you know what…her people did it. 


Ask for help.


For some reason some widows may think asking for help is a sign of weakness. In actuality, it is one of the biggest signs of strength we can show. 


Ask for help. 


Her people came over and changed the cat’s litter box because her fiancé used to do it, and it was too painful. 


Her people came over to water the plants, took out the trash, brought her Thai food, not because she wasn’t capable, but because people are good. 


People want to help people.


People, especially people that haven’t had a direct loss impact so close, want to help. Some may have guilt for not knowing what to do during this time, even if they have a deep desire to help. They are as stuck as you are.


That’s okay. 


Ask for help. 


If they don’t know how. Tell them how. Tell them what you need, if you aren’t sure what you need, look around…take those brief moments of clarity to write stuff down that needs to be done.


Laundry, getting pet food, mowing the lawn (I had a group of my friends pay my lawn service for the next 6 months…AWESOME help), watch your kids so you can be by yourself, wash your hair, take a nap, eat ice cream, whatever you might need to feel somewhat human like again. 


We know widows are perfectly capable of doing these things, and some widows won’t want that help, doing chores they’ve always done will help them feel human. 


That’s okay too.


Your really close people will know what needs to be done.  If you are lucky enough to have your parents/siblings/family still alive they may be able to be more clear about what  type of help you need. They might not. 


Find your person that knows, and give them the power to reach out FOR you. That’s okay.


Ask for help. 


We become experts at a LOT of things as widows, but we don’t have to be experts at EVERYTHING.


Asking for help is the biggest, bravest, badass thing you can do during this time, no guilt, only self care.