Why Don’t You Get Out There & Date???
Are you tired of hearing these questions?
- Why are you so picky
- What are you waiting for
- Are you putting yourself “out there”
Singles are “singled” out everywhere
There is no denying that our society functions on the assumption that two is better than one. Our well-meaning friends constantly remind us that we are “different” and need to be fixed. We often have to pay EXTRA for a single room rate when travelling and there is even a ‘widow’ penalty on car insurance forcing us to pay a higher price than when we were married.
Life as a widow can be more expensive and certainly lonelier – especially when most of your social circle is partnered.
Some remain single because they choose to do so. Others eventually hope to find a partner. Yet, it’s not as easy as many suggest.
The facts
Approximately 2% of older (65+) widows and 20% of older widowers remarry. (Smith, Zick, & Duncan, 1991). The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that each year, out of every 1,000 widowed men and women ages 65 and older, only 3 women and 17 men remarry.
Finding a partner is not a ‘widows’ only issue – it effects everyone. Remarriage among both the divorced and widowed has dropped by almost 40 percent in the last 30 years. Still, remarriage after bereavement is much lower than that of divorce. It seems that we seek comfort in what we know. Most widowed people often marry other widows.
After age 50, the population between available men and women is no longer even
Women live longer than men so there are much fewer men available. Increased widowed baby boomers will add even more women into the mix. Plus, who doesn’t know a man who is dating a much younger woman? It is more socially acceptable for a man to date someone decades younger. This offers men a much larger population to dip into (if they are heterosexual).
Nearly 100% of couples have a partner who dies
It’s a gift if you are able to find ‘the next chapter’. Someone who can comfort and love you is often the goal for many who are alone. But, it’s not an easy task. So, how do we keep others from making us feel even more badly about ourselves and our situation?
What to say when someone asks you about dating again?
When approached about still being single (and you shall be over and over again), consider:
- offer up some of the statistics mentioned above
- explain that it makes you feel even more uncomfortable about your own self-worth and it is emotionally draining when told that ‘replacing’ your partner should not be difficult
- suggest that THEY introduce you to someone. Let them show you how easy it is!!
In time, a partner may come into your life.
Until that time, the best gift is to include & welcome us – partnered or single. Let’s open the gate to true, non-judgmental friendship and kindness.
Forever evolving
Men like younger women. That is a fact. They want someone who can offer them a forward approach to life. I don’t envy them. It’s probably a relief after losing their life partner. Grief can be very isolating. As for me, 40 plus years is a long time to be married. I cannot imagine moving on with someone knowing our remaining years are very limited. I know of two specific cases of older widowers marrying much younger women. They seemed very happy and in love. The drawback is the grown kids of the widowers were peeved big time, even though they had plenty of money on their own, when the contents of the will/trust was made known to them. Inheritance, to most people shows what and who was valued by the parent. I don’t think the grown children were necessarily greedy; I don’t believe they can comprehend how lonely it can be after losing a long-time spouse. But these men made a new life with the women they married. And if the new women made them happy, then I suppose they wanted to make sure they were taken care of. Older folks deserve to have some joy in their life. As for me, I as a woman will not be taking that route. I hope to find joy in other ways, marriage is way too intimate an endeavor to look appealing to me.
I fret the idea of dating again.my husband will be gone 32 yrs in Sept. I dated off and on but it was short lived.