Our Battle

Our battle started in March 2021. The first few months we were, as Barrie himself put it “in good spirits”. We did all the treatments, in his case chemo and radiotherapy. He seemed to have killed the monster. We considered ourselves lucky. However, as time went on, we realized whatever was happening to him was affecting his mobility. We didn’t really find out what was happening until a year later when after a number of different tests, they found out the severe treatment had affected his neurological system. Eventually, he couldn’t walk at all, so he needed a wheelchair to move around. We adapted the apartment the best we could to accommodate his needs. Amidst all of that, there were several falls! Miraculously, he didn’t break anything, but after the last one, my daughter said something had to be done as I was working, had help, but we could no longer cope with the situation.
Another heartbreaking experience, choosing a home for him. We were lucky to find a beautiful place with an enormous front patio. I will never forget the pain I felt when I left him there and had to walk away. For the first time in 16 years, I was going back to an empty home which would never be filled with his presence again. No more listening to him call my name, no more hearing his laughter. I went to visit him every day during the holidays, morning and evening, until work started in September.
My daughter and I arranged it in such a way that I stayed with her Sundays and Wednesdays, so I didn’t have to drive every day. I got to visit him almost every day most weeks and when I couldn’t make it, my daughter visited with the kids.
Then he got seriously sick. He went to the hospital and was there for over a month. I’m so glad that I was able to take the time off and live in the hospital with him. Unfortunately, we didn’t know that that was the end of our time together. Just three weeks after he was released, he passed away.
I didn’t see it coming, he had bounced back so many times. He was lucid, he couldn’t walk, but I never lost hope. I kept thinking that some miracle cure would happen and that I would have more time with him, that he would go back to the strong, towering, energetic man that I had met.
Fortunately, nobody saw that last week. How debilitating this horrible illness is. What it did to him.
I try to remember the Barrie I met. I’ve looked through the pictures over and over and over again. I listen to his voice and watch the videos. But I can’t dream about him. I can’t see him in my dreams. I wish I could hold him close just one more time, even if it is in my dreams and tell him that I was there. That he is still with me in his favorite place. That I love him like crazy, that I haven’t forgotten him and our happy times together. That I am there, forever and for always and that day.

About Carmen Medina

Carmen is a 65-year-old widow who is living in Spain. She was born in Vancouver, B.C., Canada to Spanish parents. Since 2019 she has been living in Antequera in the south of Spain. She was married to Barrie Eggington, her soul mate and love of her life till he passed away on December 23rd, 2023, after a long battle with lung cancer.

Thanks to Hope for Widows, which she found online just a few weeks after his passing, Carmen found a group who not only understood what she was going through when few others did, but also solace in her sisters in grief, a place where she could express her feelings and find the resonance she needed.

Carmen has been an English teacher and teacher trainer for over 30 years in Europe, the Middle East and North America. She still teaches English and is the principal at the government funded language school where she is currently working. She spends her time with her daughter and grandchildren. She goes to the gym every day, loves the beach, particularly Torremolinos where she reminisces about the time she spent there with her late husband.