“Fish out of water” and “odd one out” are both great ways to describe life as a 39-year-old widowed mom of three young girls trying to navigate the perils of getting a college education. The first big decision is what I want to study. I liked almost every subject. I did life coaching and took all the tests to tell me what to do. All the tests told me I would be ok doing anything but accounting (I fully agree).
I found a photo from my first year in elementary school; it was career day. I dressed up as a reporter. I never wanted to be a reporter who wrote stories about world events or anything too serious, but I loved this reporter named Steve Hartman. He would do stories celebrating humanity; they were so beautiful I do not think I have watched one of his stories without crying. So, I chose to study journalism. Being in a classroom with kids literally half your age was daunting. I am so grateful that no one cared how old I was. We were on this crazy journey together. My age showed one particular moment when our class talked about the reporters on 9-11 and how emotional that was playing out live. These kids were just babies, so my professor and I spent the class time sharing what it was like for us. I am thrilled to cheer some of these kids on as they work on television. My kids should have gotten an honorary degree. They sat in on many of my classes and helped me with homework.
Ienjoyed studying but soon realized this job would require a lot of hours from me outside the home, and I could not do that. My children still needed a parent to be present as much as possible. I have since started working as an online teacher (using the tips from journalism school) and received my Master’s in Education (the same week I turned 50). I am currently working on my PhD.
I am still figuring out how I want to spend the rest of my days. I look forward to seeing my kids start their lives, but what will Cindy be? I have some ideas, but time will tell. I know that my sweet husband is watching and proud of us. About a year before he died, we went to an art therapy class and made letters for each other. I still hold his letter very close to my heart: “I wish for you to fulfill all that God has planned for you and placed in you. There are so many gifts that you have not even begun to tap into. No matter what, keep your eyes on Jesus and know that I will always love you.”
My original image of what I thought my life would be died alongside my husband. I would not trade that time for anything, but I owe it to his memory and myself to keep going, growing, and living. My sweet husband was my biggest cheerleader, and I know he is still cheering me on on one day when I see him again; I want him to be proud of me for never giving up and never staying still.
About Cindy Schriver
In 2011, Cindy lost her husband of 16 years to a rare form of cancer after a
long and hard-fought battle. Left behind in the whirlwind of grief with three
adolescent children, Cindy had to learn to find herself again and how to
help herself and her children through the journey of grief. Knowing she had
to become the sole provider for her family, Cindy returned to college at 38,
earning a bachelor’s degree in Communications and a master’s degree in
Adult Education. Cindy is currently pursuing her Doctorate and is constantly
looking for new experiences.