Seven years. Seven years ago today you changed my life forever. I wouldn’t trade a second of any of it even if the outcome was the same. Not the hard moments and not the sad moments, all of them meant that I had you who loved me fully and beautifully with all of your being.
Seven years. It would’ve been seven years together today. I still remember meeting you in the restaurant in your pink hoodie and pink beanie and the brown leather jacket that you looked so hot in. I had chicken tenders and you had street tacos. Afterwards, we went and looked at the ice sculptures and saw the ice castles. Just like in Mighty Ducks. So much of our big moments revolved around 80s and 90s movies. That was so us.
After you died, I found lyrics to a song that you wrote in your bag that you titled Ice Castles. It was a moment that changed our lives forever. 1.26.18.
It’s been 11 months without you now. Some days are easier than others. I think I’m getting used to the grief. It’s always there. Every joy has sadness in it. And I still wouldn’t trade any of it. I was so unbelievably lucky. And if I said that to you, you would say you were the lucky one. But honestly, we were both lucky.
I knew that night. I knew that very first night that you were the one. I was stubborn and I didn’t let myself see it at first. And I certainly wasn’t going to let you see it because I had to look strong. But I always knew it was you.
It’s been five years since you proposed. I told you to shut up when you asked. That very night we made the plan of where we would get married, Cannon Beach, Oregon, where The Goonies was filmed. I laugh when I think of our little couple quirks and it’s a good laugh because we were just so right for one another. And every day I have a moment when I think Jonathan would support this decision and Jonathan would be so proud of me, because we were so in sync from day one. From the moment we planned our first date around ice castles.
Happy 7th Anniversary, babe. I love you so much.
About Cassie Dockter-Reeves
Cassie Dockter-Reeves struggled to write this bio. Who is she now that her husband died? Sometimes she doesn’t know anymore. She is the mother of sweet Everest, her (currently) 15 month old. She is the Mutti to kind Jude, her almost 9-year-old stepson. She is the little sister to 2 awesome older sisters and 2 brother-in-laws. She is the aunt to 2 wonderful nephews and 1 amazing niece. She is the daughter to 2 loving parents who they are lucky to still have. She is the friend that is like family to several. But her favorite thing was being loved by Jonathan, she was most proud of (along with the role of mother) being his wife. His loving her helped her love herself. She doesn’t really know who who she is anymore as she has changed so much since her husband’s death, and it’s too fresh to know, it’s only been 4 months.
Cassie works a full-time remote job as a workforce management analyst. She loves photography and whales and the ocean and the mountains and has recently found the love of reading again. She has the most anxious dog who started her life as a stray and is a mutt (11 breeds in all, yes, she DNA tested her), named Livie after Olivia Benson on Law & Order SVU, because her husband knew her love of that character. They were together 6 years; were a family of 3 with his son Jude for 5 years; a family of 4 eight months after that when we adopted our dog; married in Cannon Beach, OR on July 26, 2021 (yes, because of The Goonies - Jonathan’s ring is engraved with GNSD - Goonies Never Say Die); and became a family of 5 with the unexpected early birth of their son, Everest, on March 24, 2023, who moved mountains to be here after infertility and a high risk pregnancy.
She is a newly single mom, and it’s challenging and rewarding and exhilarating and exhausting. She wasn’t supposed to do this alone. Her husband died from his bipolar disorder with psychosis at the age of 40 on February 29, 2024. And they are slowly learning to live again as a (smaller) family.
You can find her photography at: https://www.instagram.com/photographybycasandradockter?igsh=bGN1a3k4NzRhNTVr&utm_source=qr
Hi,
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading your story that I ran across. There are a lot of similarities in our journeys. Thank you so much for sharing. I have to wipe away the tears. 😭 It’s been 5.5 yrs since we lost him and our daughter is about to turn 7. I feel your pain and am sending all the vibes your way. 🫂 I wish you all the best!