Looking back to look forward

May is your month. It’s an especially hard one for me because I used to spend most of the month trying to figure out what you might want for your birthday 😊
It wasn’t easy. Before meeting you, I used to buy presents without a real focus. When I met you, you taught me that buying a present should be thought out carefully with a purpose, something that would make an impact on the person that was receiving the gift.
You were like that. I was easy though, you knew that I loved jewellery, clothes, accessories, holidays, everything 😊. Men are hard at the best of times. I can still remember interrogating my mom about what to buy my dad.
It was easy back in the day with smokers, but there came a time, especially with you when I decided, no, not going to encourage that bad habit, so no more designer lighters or special cigarette making machines.
I decided that I would buy you other more focused presents. That’s how you got your computer, clothes, belts, the Dubai driftwood boat, the imitation Aladin’s lamp and so many others!
I still remember the look on your face when you found that lamp! I had a mini study when we were in Riyadh. I had a little piece of furniture that had once been a night table where I used to store my paper, new pens, pencils, ink cartridges and the like. Well, I thought that would be the best place to store the blasted lamp. Until, of course, the printer ran out of ink and you (always helpful like you were), decided to change the cartridges for me. I had completely forgotten that I had bought the lamp at the Christmas market in December at the Irish embassy, that I had stored it away there in a dark plastic bag and that that was the hiding place until May came around.
Surely enough, just before your birthday, I come home from university one day, I had to print out some exams, the ink runs out and you say, that’s ok, I’ll change cartridges.
In the meantime, I go to the kitchen to get us a tea, you take out the plastic bag and ask are they in here, I panic and before I can say NO!!!!!, you open the bag and find the lamp!
It was so annoying and so funny at the same time! I got so mad! You knew it was your birthday present, of course. In the end, we both laughed. Just one of those “our moments”.
I miss you, my love. I miss those “our moments”. So many funny ones, that start as an annoyance and in the end, we laughed so hard we were in tears.
So, happy birthday in heaven, honey. You may be gone, but I still remember, so many of “our moments”!

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Mirar atrás para mirar adelante

Mayo es tu mes. Es especialmente difícil para mí porque solía pasar la mayor parte del mes tratando de averiguar qué podrías querer para tu cumpleaños. 😊
No era fácil. Antes de conocerte, solía comprar regalos sin ton ni son. Cuando te conocí, me enseñaste que comprar un regalo debía pensarse cuidadosamente con un propósito, algo que tuviera un impacto en la persona que recibía el regalo. Así eras tú. Yo era fácil contentar, sabías que me encantaba la joyería, la ropa, los accesorios, las vacaciones, todo 😊. Los hombres son difíciles en el mejor de los casos. Todavía puedo recordar tener que preguntarle a mi madre qué comprarle a mi padre.
Era fácil en aquellos días con los fumadores, pero llegó un momento, especialmente contigo, cuando decidí que no iba a fomentar ese mal hábito, así que no más encendedores de diseño o máquinas especiales para hacer cigarrillos. Decidí que te compraría otros regalos más detallosos. ¡Así fue como acabaste con el ordenador, ropa, cinturones, el barco de madera flotante de Dubái, la lámpara de imitación de Aladino y muchos más!
¡Todavía recuerdo la expresión de tu cara cuando encontraste esa lámpara! Tenía un miniestudio cuando estábamos en Riad en la que había un pequeño mueble que una vez fue una mesita de noche dónde solía guardar el papel, bolígrafos, lápices, cartuchos de tinta y similares. Pensé que ese sería el mejor lugar para esconder la condenada lámpara. Hasta que, por supuesto, la impresora se quedó sin tinta y tú (siempre tan servicial como eras), decidiste cambiar los cartuchos por mí. Había olvidado por completo que había comprado la lámpara en el mercado navideño en diciembre en la fiesta de la embajada de Irlanda, y, que la había guardado allí en una bolsa de plástico oscura y que ese sería el escondite hasta que llegara mayo.
Por supuesto, justo antes de tu cumpleaños, llego a casa de la universidad un día, tengo que imprimir algunos exámenes, la tinta se acaba y tú dices, no te preocupes yo cambiaré los cartuchos. Mientras tanto, voy a la cocina a prepararnos un té, sacas la bolsa de plástico y preguntas, ¿están aquí? Entro en pánico y antes de que pueda decir ¡NO!!!!!, abres la bolsa y encuentras la lámpara.
Me enfadé tanto, pero fue tan divertido al mismo tiempo. Sabías que era tu regalo de cumpleaños, claro. Al final, ambos nos reímos. Fue uno de esos “nuestros momentos”.
Te echo de menos, mi amor. Echo me menos esos “nuestros momentos”. Tantos momentos divertidos, que comienzan como una molestia y al final, nos reímos tanto que terminamos llorando.
Así que, feliz cumpleaños en el cielo, cariño. Puede que te hayas ido, pero todavía recuerdo, muchos de esos “nuestros momentos”.

About Carmen Medina

Carmen is a 66-year-old widow who is living in Spain. She was born in Vancouver, B.C., Canada to Spanish parents. Since 2019 she has been living in Antequera in the south of Spain. She was married to Barrie Eggington, her soul mate and love of her life till he passed away on December 23rd, 2023, after a long battle with lung cancer.

Thanks to Hope for Widows, which she found online just a few weeks after his passing, Carmen found a group who not only understood what she was going through when few others did, but also solace in her sisters in grief, a place where she could express her feelings and find the resonance she needed.

Carmen has been an English teacher and teacher trainer for over 30 years in Europe, the Middle East and North America. She still teaches English and is the principal at the government funded language school where she is currently working. She spends her time with her daughter and grandchildren. She goes to the gym every day, loves the beach, particularly Torremolinos where she reminisces about the time she spent there with her late husband.