Learning to let people help you can be very hard. I have often had to bury my ego and seek help from my Mom or sometimes, in extreme cases, church. I enjoy being the giver much more than receiving.
At the end of my husband’s illness, we had been a year with limited income, leading our home to be in disrepair and us uncertain about how we would even pay the mortgage. It broke my husband’s heart so much thinking of leaving me with such a huge mess. One day, we were visited by a couple of friends from church who had an idea to gather a large group and spend the weekend repairing our home. I was overwhelmed, and before I could argue, my friend told me not to fight them and let them receive the blessing for helping us. So I tearfully agreed but had no idea the extent of work they would do. Fifty-plus people descended on our home early on Saturday, and by Sunday night, the major issues in our house were fixed, and they left us with an envelope of restaurant gift cards.
We were left speechless, so overwhelmed that people would pour so much into our family. Things were fixed that we would have never been able to resolve on our own, but even more valuable was the peace it gave my husband. He was gone shortly after that weekend, and those wonderful angels took a burden off his shoulders and lifted the burden of both of us.
Asking for help is hard, but we are not meant to live life alone. I wish I could bless people like we have been. I am not at that point yet, but I have compassion and empathy for those I did not have before. During my 13 years as a single mom, we have had to get substantial help on many occasions, and it never gets easier. Getting help from people makes me feel like a failure. I promised my husband I would take care of my girls, and when we had to seek help, I felt like I had failed him.
Needing assistance as a widow is not a failure. It is the encouragement and courage to continue to take the next step and finish the race.
About Cindy Schriver
In 2011, Cindy lost her husband of 16 years to a rare form of cancer after a
long and hard-fought battle. Left behind in the whirlwind of grief with three
adolescent children, Cindy had to learn to find herself again and how to
help herself and her children through the journey of grief. Knowing she had
to become the sole provider for her family, Cindy returned to college at 38,
earning a bachelor’s degree in Communications and a master’s degree in
Adult Education. Cindy is currently pursuing her Doctorate and is constantly
looking for new experiences.