Well, I did it! It only took me three and half years to conjure up the strength and willpower to sell my deceased husband’s truck; but, I finally did. This might seem silly and insignificant to some; however for me, this was a huge step. The crazy thing is I only drove it once in nine years. It wasn’t my vehicle. Nevertheless, it was a predominant factor in our married and family life. It encompassed a multitude of treasured memories and cherished moments.
The first harrowing year after my husband’s death, when I was thrown into the dark abyss, I used to just sit in my husband’s truck. My hands glided over the steering wheel in attempts to capture the essence of where his steadfast, champion hands used to be. His aroma still lingered as I would listen to his favorite songs, and recollect all the adventures that transpired from within the truck walls.
The last time I sat in his truck, I noticed down by the corner of the passenger seat a fortune cookie message. My heart skipped a beat, as no one had driven the truck and I had never laid eyes on it before. I unraveled it. The words of faux wisdom profoundly spoke to me, “…it is time to move forward.” I felt David’s presence reassuring me to forge ahead.
Practical reality sunk in. I was paying a lot for insurance. I needed to sell it. On the other hand, emotionally, the thought of selling it paralyzed me in utter anguish. I had to tap into my faith, my key to sanity. I had to recognize my resistance and make a definitive goal. This quote echoed in my mind: “If you can’t go in leaps and bounds, then go in baby steps and nudges, but keep moving forward!” -Doe Zantamata.
Unfortunately, my stress level continued to rise as I worried about losing another part of my husband. Grief for me has been such a turbulent crossroad of absorption, adjustment, remembering, honoring, letting go, letting it be, and attempting to navigate and re-build a new life. I had to reframe this event to see the growth. I had to realize that I was not closing the book, just turning the page. That what my soul has once known, I will never forget. That love lives on forever.
As the selling day unfolded, I was a mess. My husband and I had made all of our decisions in unison. I was literally shaking as my orderly world of predictability, structure, and comfort has been altered. Could I do this?
As I was at the bank making the sale, terror set in. All the horrifying feelings of releasing my husband’s cold and limp hands ran rampant in my mind. It felt as if I was losing him all over again. At the same time, I had a flashback of my husband and I teaching our oldest daughter, when she was three, to cross the monkey bars. She was so afraid, shaking her adorable head, and telling us, “No, I can’t do this, I can’t let go!” My husband was so calm and encouraging to her. Finally, she did it! She beamed and hugged us as she got down and exclaimed, “That was easy!”
As grief is not a task to finish, each day, I am learning to welcome life’s lessons as I reiterate to myself, “Just breathe in and breathe out, repeat, and remember that moving forward means taking one step at a time.”
Have you experienced a similar grief transition? How did you handle it? As always, I am thankful that you took the time to read my blog. Time after time, I am humbled with gratitude by your comments and wisdom. Please feel free to comment and/or share.
Dear Heavenly Father, Please help me to come to the realization that I don’t have to have everything all figured out to move forward. That I can continue to look back and thank you and look forward and trust you. –Amen
With Blessings and Grace to You,
Lisa Dempsey Bargewell
My next blog will be on August 19th.
hi Miss Dempsey how are you sorry for your loss I was reading your blog and I’m so sorry maybe not a good time to be asking but I was interested in the truck if you still had the truck available my name is Robert Luckett I could be reached at area code 510-677-8298 thank you I appreciate you and again sorry for your loss have a great day.
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Thank you for your blog Lisa, and my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband to cancer 6 1/2 years ago. I have since married again to another widow! But never the less, still having a tough time letting go of his little sports car that has been sitting in my garage ever since his death. It was his pride and joy. Your blog and all the sweet comments have really helped me. I finally sold it to a sweet couple that absolutely love it thus allowing them to accumulate beautiful memories too. Thank you again.
First, I am sincerely sorry for your loss and all the parts of grief you are experiencing. THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing your journey towards selling the truck. This very day I will be selling the last in a series of vans my husband and I enjoyed. Our family road-tripped often throughout the country, camping out of it in many, many national parks. Van trips were some of the closest times we had. I’ve been stalling over selling it. As I prepared to sell it today I felt so awful that I googled “grief and selling spouse’s car.” Since reading your post, printing it, and putting it up on my refrigerator, I feel some peace amidst the angst of finally doing this. Here’s to all of us who are taking steps in the grief journey, who are naming our feelings, and learning to navigate our new lives. (I’m 74 and lost my husband to Alzheimer’s 9 months ago.)
I’m so glad a came across your blog because it has validated my exact same feelings. My fiancé passed 6 months ago and the one place I feel his presence strongly is in his truck. Ive thought that in selling it I’m going to be losing him even further and I honestly don’t care about moving forward yet. The other thing I’ve discovered is that relatives and friends are far more bossy and opinionated than I’d ever realized. They may have meant well initially but at this point it’s as if some are disgusted that I’m moving too slowly. Your blog just gave me the freedoms to release all the pressure I’ve felt from my so-called support system. Maybe they’d feel differently if they were in my shoes and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Thank you for sharing and easing my anxiety. I’ll do what I need to do at my own pace & I have reason for wanting to hold onto what little I have left of him.
ladies im praying that God gives you the strength and comfort to move forward. though you will never forget the men that God blessed you with you still have memories of them and that will never go away. like my late uncle david said as long as you remember them in your hearts they are still alive i truly believe that..
My husband died from cancer 2 months ago. He had just purchased an SUV. All I have are memories of driving him to the hospital and chemo before he died. I don’t have any desire to keep it; there are only sad memories. Everyone says don’t make any major decisions for 6 months to a year. But now it is the only vehicle I have and I hate driving it.
Thank you for your story. My husband passed a year and 3 months ago, Dec 31, 2017. His truck, his beloved truck, that we spent over a year searching for is also my point of grief right now. I remember the smile and like you I sit in it and am flooded with memories of our trips, Saturday errands, and the smile on his face when we picked it up and everytime someone would compliment him on what a nice truck it was. he was so proud of it. I tried to drive it, but it is to big for me and I have my own Subaru. It is not good for it to keep just sitting as everyone is telling me, so I have mad the decision to sell it. They are coming tonight to pick it up and bring it to our mechanic to have it evaluated. Im scared, heart broken, and hoping that this is the right move. But as you have stated I feel as though I am losing him again. Im sure as I turn the page in my life story the pain will ease and I will move on. Im sure that is what Scott would want me to do, he never wanted me sad.
Im single a Truck Driver and would love to show any of you Beautiful Widowed women..how to revitalize, invigorate and release all your Emotional and Physical pressures u hold onto….Respond if your minds and Bodies would dare indulge……”Warning…..if you have a low libido and are hung on inhibitions”?!….Then pass this ad…I’m looking for a woman that I can wake her inner “drive” up….someone who can go for hours with conversation and indulgence of flesh!
My husband passed 10 weeks ago…. I need to sell his beautiful truck that he worked so hard for to pay financial debts. Have decided that my daughter and her husband, who have been my complete support through all this would be the best ones to buy it. He is a mechanic, so will take care of it, he also had a lot of respect for my husband. In doing this I will shortfall myself a few thousand dollars, I know God will help me through these trials. And I will still get to see the truck and witness their enjoyment in the years to come.
My husband and I had our Jeep as our hobby and we also renewed our 25th anniversary vows in it as he was not able to do much more. We renewed our vows on his 57th bday April 29th of this year knowing he wasnt going to make it to Feb.14th 2017(our 25th) yes Valentines day and he went home on May 12th 2016 now I have to give the Jeep back to credit union due to funds its just killing me inside it was also our Anniversary gift 3 yrs ago. Its like losing him again and the last of all our fun memories. I am so sad.
Thank you gor your story about selling your husbands truck. I too know on day I will find the strength to do that but for now its only been alittle over a month. I also have his company truck here for comfort for now. After reading the replies and your blog I know one day I also can find the strength to do what I need to. Thank you & bless you
Dear Jackie, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. When the time is right you will know what to do. Thank you for reading my blog. Blessings and Hugs to You, Lisa Dempsey Bargewell
Wow!
Just today, I agreed on a sale of my late husband’s truck. It hurt sooo much, like being punched in the gut, a feeling all too familiar sice becomming a widow.
I googled, hurting from selling my husband’s truck…and found your blog…
I too, took 3 years 7 months and1 day.
God gave me much grace, and I praise Him for this gift given me, to endure through this trial…
I drove the truck, and loved it!
But God has been leading me, I need to let go. I have another vehicle, which was mine, and the truck, well, it was my husband’s primary vehicle.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I just found this site, I hope to connect with other widows, to encourage and receive from.
God bless you all much in Jesus!
Hi Jacqueline, You continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for reading my blog. I am so pleased to hear that our Heavenly Father gave you the grace to forge ahead. Blessings and Hugs to You, Lisa Dempsey Bargewell
I lost my husband a year and five months ago . When I look at his truck it seems like he should be sitting in it. I only Drive it maybe once a month to keep it running. It’s a very nice Mazda.
But now I am thinking of selling it. I could use the extra funds , but I feel like crying when I think about the truck not being in the driveway anymore.
When will I know when to sell it . If I keep waiting, I may not get much for it.
My husband’s truck. I never drove it because I’m not comfortable driving larger vehicles. Our son will be driving age soon and we are saving it for him.
Last week I had to run a quick errand and I decided to drive the truck because people tell me I need to every so often. Sure enough after 3 months it was a bit sluggish getting started but it was good to go.
But the comments! “You can’t drive dad’s truck! You’re not allowed! Dad says you can’t!” And on and on it went. From all 3 of our kids. Finally I had to say, “I’m driving the truck. I own it. My name is on the title. Dad is not here to stop me.”
I didn’t even want to drive the truck. 🙁
Thanks for telling about selling your husband’s truck. I sold my husband’s van about a year after he passed away. It was really hard. The guy who bought it lived just around the corner from me, so I saw the van later. It is a tough letting go. I’m still trying to get rid of my husband’s clothes. Just after he passed away I saw his old shoes and realized he would never wear them again. My son asked what I was going to do with them. I jokingly said we could bronze them. We both laughed. If you don’t laugh sometimes, you go nuts. Thanks for sharing your struggles. It helps me.
Thank you, Janet Hansen, for your comment and for sharing about your struggles. I am holding you in my heart and prayers. Blessings to you.
Thanks Lisa for your kind words and for your thoughts and prayers. I think that only other widows can really understand what I am going through. I will remember you in my thoughts and prayers. Just keep swimming.
Wow..I too know the extreme hurt of losing my husband. He was called home almost 6 weeks ago now and I was forced to have to sell his FJ Cruiser today. The tears almost choked me as memories shared together piled up in my broken heart. Like others also hurting have commented, it was like having to say good bye to him all over again. I am so struggling with this horrendous hurt.