A Widow’s Night Before Christmas

‘Twas a widow’s night before Christmas,
and all through her house
Not a creature but her was stirring,
for she missed her departed spouse.

She hung their stockings
by the chimney with care
In recognition that her love
for him was still there.

While the rest of the world was nestled
and snug in their beds,
With only the thought of Christmas
dancing in their heads;

She laid awake restless
with an ache in her chest.
She wished for her husband,
she wished for nothing less.

Never again would this holiday be the same,
it magnified her grief and it could not be tamed-

Asleep she finally fell,
and she dreamt of a clatter.
She awoke in her bed
and wondered what was the matter.

She rushed to the window
her heart racing so fast,
She peeked through the blinds
and suddenly gasped.

In the starry night sky
over Christmas below,
She saw stars arranged as a heart,
that twinkled with a soft winter glow.

With widowed eyes
and a widowed heart,
She felt her angel husband
must have arranged this Christmas art.

But that wasn’t all,
the next sign to appear
A red cardinal in flight,
singing a carol for her to hear:

“All is calm, all is bright”
was spoken to her soul,
And momentarily,
she forgot her plight.

She knew in that moment,
that it was her love,
He was bringing her Christmas
from heaven above.

More swift than a cheetah
his signs they came,
They were brilliant, familiar,
they called her by name-

“My wife! My snow bunny!
gorgeous girl and sweetie!
This heart, this cardinal,
believe that it’s me!

From the street and the porch
from the living room and hall,
I’ll send signs this night
that you’re not alone,
No, not at all!

She ran outside
and into the street,
In a 360 she turned,
for a sign she might meet.

When there on the lawn
her eyes became fixed,
A snow angel in the shape of her husband,
a shape she had dearly missed.

Then Christmas Eve magic
illuminated the roof,
The Christmas lights were on and there,
somehow he give our home this spruce!

She drew her head next
to the flash of light,
That rushed in the house,
by the Christmas tree lights.

She followed in behind,
and by the tree she stood,
Then laid under the lights
like they always would.

With the slight tilt of chin,
at an ornament she looked,
She saw his reflection-
she froze and was hooked.

He was dressed in Christmas flannel
his favorite plaid look,
His spirit was beaming
from his head to his foot.

The feeling of joy
that her husband was back,
Even just for a moment
nearly gave her a heart-attack.

His eyes how they glistened!
his smile gorgeous and merry!
He was alive with life,
there was nothing funerary!

She took it all in,
he was here! Her high-school beau!
But with the glow of an angel,
as white as the Christmas snow.

Her hubby and friend-
for a moment his jolly old self.
She laughed as she felt goosebumps,
all over herself.

He winked with his eye
and she knew that tingling was him,
Caressing her arms,
caressing her chin.

He next mouthed a word,
he pointed and said “Look!”
At the stockings she turned
and saw something shimmering on the hook.

A past Christmas gift, a necklace he gave her,
that she tossed to the sea when he passed-
She was mad, she was hurt
she didn’t think, and she flung it in fast.

He then signed with his hands
by the pillows and throws
Their secret phrase
that no one else knows.

Then he lead her upstairs
and tucked her in bed
And left her with sugarplums she never dreamed,
would dance in her head.

And through dream he did visit,
they talked and held tight,
He told her to celebrate,
to let grief rest this night.

She wanted his presence,
nothing more, nothing less,
He was here to shower her with Christmas presents,
his presence, through signs at his best.

Christmas morning she awoke,
she heard a familiar clatter,
She ran to the window
wondering what was the matter.

She gasped as she saw clouds shaped like a heart,
a red cardinal swoop by that sung like a harp-
With a familiar Christmas carol it sang
she recognized other signs that called her by name.

Swiftly she ran down the stairs and outside,
she looked at the snow and saw a shape she recognized.
And up with her head, she looked at the roof
still strung with glowing lights,
that she’d dreamt of last night.

And into the house under the Christmas tree she laid,
she remembered the ornament,
She cried, she gave thanks,
and she prayed.

The goosebumps remained,
as she arose with a dash,
Over to her stocking
where a necklace shimmered on the sash.

She felt in her heart,
their cherished secret phrase-
And knew her hubby was there last night,
and there for Christmas day.

It wasn’t a dream!
She exclaimed with all her might!
merry Christmas my husband,
I’ll love you all my life!

About Kelly Cann

My widow journey began in 2011 when I was 27. My late husband passed away from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident. My re-entry into life has been difficult, but my relationship with God, being diagnosed with PTSD and my passion for music, dance and science have greatly helped me get back on my feet. I am currently preparing for graduate school and volunteer as an endometriosis educator for the Endometriosis Foundation of America.

I have so much that I look forward to sharing with you and I hope that you may find something in my writing that will bring hope to your own journey, help you through the tough days, and show you that happiness can be found in the midst of grief.

You can follow me on Instagram at @kellcann