I am worn out, but getting better. On Friday, my father was taken to the hospital experiencing some very scary symptoms. Saturday marked 20 months since my husband passed away and Sunday would have been my husband’s 55th birthday. We celebrated my husband’s birthday by doing good deeds and that was fun. I had lots of love and support from my family and friends. However, there were times when I felt very alone.
On Friday evening, when we weren’t sure what was going on with my dad’s health, I thought about the possibility of losing another parent. I have mentioned in a previous post my husband died in October 2012, my mother in May 2013. The possibility of my dad passing was more than I could bear. I flopped on the couch and had long cry.
I cried because I didn’t want to be orphaned. I cried because I didn’t know what was going on. And I cried because I was alone. So alone. I watched via text how my siblings would update and confer with their spouses. I wanted to confer with MY spouse!! I wanted to talk to my husband, sob on his shoulder and have him comfort me. I wanted him there to help me deal with my father’s illness and support me as we waited for answers. I will admit I was a little jealous of my siblings because they could converse with their spouses. It was just me, alone.
After a doing some crying and talking, I could feel my husband’s presence. While I won’t describe how I knew, he was there, giving me comfort from beyond the veil that separates us. It wasn’t a conversation per se, but I know he loves me and wanted to help however he could.
My father is recovering and is going to be okay. I am closer to the two year widow mark and my husband’s age sounds really old to me. I am glad he was able to stop by and help me not be alone. Because as I now see it, I am never alone.