Here is one of the worst things about having someone you love die: it happens again every single morning.The soft web of sleep begins to clear and then, in an instant, your mind asks and answers a dreadful question. ~Anna Quindlen

A good number of people can cope with their circumstances during the day. There are everyday tasks to which to attend, a family to raise, and a job in which one must present. For a defined time, you’re probably able to “push” aside sad and/or negative thoughts.

At the end of a long day, you may look forward to the respite that should come from sleep. However, as soon as you attempt to quiet your mind, the reruns of your life (and the death of your partner) can start to play in an endless loop.

You may relive the moments of your life and question if there were anything more you could have done or ask yourself if you would have handled any issues differently.

This rehashing in the quiet of the night is a perfectly normal phenomenon – and it just doesn’t pertain to widowhood. Everyone questions themselves at some point during a lifetime. I think a person would be pretty arrogant if she didn’t!

However, rather than beating yourself up or getting mired in negativity – because, remember, everything looks crystal clear in retrospect – there is a way that you can use this time productively.

Here’s one way to accomplish this feat.

Are you willing to consider that the period before you fall asleep may be a good time to reflect, ask for answers or guidance, or to try to figure out things?

Try posing a question to yourself before you fall asleep, and let your intuition and/or subconscious provide you the answer in your dreams.

Upon awakening, not only will the sun rise, but the proverbial light bulb might switch on and give you an “ah-ha” moment.