The black hole of grief. This thought has been on my mind for a couple of months now. The idea of being in a place that is so vast, so dark and so void of life… is a sobering thought indeed. It is easy to believe, as a widow, we are in such a place. Our emotions pull us into its darkness, and for some reason we think that we are stuck there for eternity. It is not true of course… but we can be hurting and grieving so much that that becomes our truth. Wandering blindly in this dark place long enough, bumping into things and falling on our faces invites us to think that being drawn into this place of pain and loss is our end, that lie’s pull is just so strong.
In light of this terrible place we didn’t choose to be in… dear ones, I’d like to share a bit of hope. God is the maker of heaven and earth. He knows every black hole and every dark corner and is well acquainted with us in our darkest grief and painful loss. He will, if we let him, pull us out of this vortex we’ve been spinning uncontrollably in. His strong arms will carry us from the darkness to where we can see the stars and the sun again.
When my husband passed away, I lost my footing. I functioned as a zombie, mechanically moving through life painfully aware of my missing half of a heart and the chill of moving forward. Every day I wondered when the nightmare would end and I’d no longer be alone. The darkness of this black hole swallowed me and I thought I’d be lost forever. Until one day I learned the meaning of goodness and heard the audible whisper, “you’re not alone,” from other dear widows walking ahead of me.
I have a gentle dear pastor. He’s like a father to me. I’ve known him for years, he married my husband and I, and he was there at our side to support us as my beloved took Jesus hand and stepped into heaven. One day he shared of goodness… something I’d never pondered in my walk. Love, joy and peace had always seemed bigger and more important. But now goodness has become one of my favorites. Goodness is… Christ living inside us, the hope of glory. I know my beloved husband knew this and now experiences it. And I have that hope inside me… no matter how dark this hole is.
That whisper… “your not alone.” Oh how precious it was to hear this from others who’d walked this valley and spun in this black hole’s dark vortex. I’ve met some dear widows whose candles have brightly burned through this thick, ominous dark place. They’ve been light, precious God given stars in a place that was so void of any light and hope.
It’s been nearly two and a half years… and now I see my own candlelight joining others, burning into the dark corners of my widow sisters sadness and grief. I am blessed to share it and call attention to the hope that sparkles in spite of this black hole of grief.
“The Lord their God will save them on that day… they will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. How attractive and beautiful they will be!(Zechariah 9:15-16)
Sisters, this is you… black hole, deep valley, cave dwelling, stuck in grief mud up to your waist or in bed with the covers over your head. None of that changes who you are in Christ and how much He values you. You still sparkle in his eyes. Hugs and may you know hope.