I want to revisit a topic that I talked about some months back. And that topic is “the ring”. When does one take off their ring is one of the questions I’ve heard that other widows want to know. The answer is not a simple one because it is truly a personal decision. No one can really give a clear cut answer for this. Because what works for some may not work for others.
I have become really good friends with a widow sister whom I met through a mutual “siStar”. We were introduced because our husbands transitioned on the exact same day and year. I have never met anyone during this journey with the same date and year. S.o of course you can imagine we had an instant connection. She lives in another city & state yet, God connected us. We have shared our stories and we also found out that our husbands birthdays are 1 week apart. I mean literally 7 days difference talk about connection right?!
We met back in October, 2018 it’s been 6 months of this sisterhood. And as I’m sure you can relate and or imagine we’ve laughed, cried, vented, prayed for and with each other. We were talking about a month ago and we got back on the topic of our rings. She told me that she had taken hers off. And she explained to me one of the reasons she had kept it on. So she decided to remove it. She fully understands that removing her ring doesn’t mean she loves her late husband any less. She also shared with me how hard it was to leave it off. I think she tried before but couldn’t do it so this time she was determined to keep it off.
As I listened to her share that with me I started thinking because I had been thinking about my ring as well. I have worn my ring for 22 years and I have never taken it off except to clean it or have it serviced. I have been having mixed emotions about it and again I fully understand that no one can tell me what I should do. So about a week after our conversation I started feeling in my spirit “take your ring off” but I would say nope not yet I’m not ready.
The next morning when I woke up I had the same feeling again so I decided to give it a try but when I did my finger felt like it was swollen (or maybe I wanted it to be swollen) nonetheless, I removed my ring and put it inside my ring box and placed it in my mirror cabinet. So it wasn’t really out of my sight just off my finger and it made it easier because I was in the house most of the day. However, I knew that I would need to leave out at some point. As I prepared to leave I looked at my hand and I really felt naked so I put on another diamond ring but I placed it on my middle finger.
As I went out and about it felt really weird. But I kept it off from that Tuesday thru Thursday. Then Friday came and I placed it back on my finger. I must admit it felt good to put it back on it felt safe and familiar. I wore it for about another week when I had that feeling again saying take it off. Let me say this the feeing was not anything evil it was a feeling of it’s okay to remove it.
This doesn’t mean that you love your Devan any less. I also felt like people need to see that my Devan is still a big part of me. Although, I know the ring isn’t what makes him a big part of me. I also felt like people would notice that my ring finger was bare and wonder “where is her husband”. Yes, I understand that there are people that have no clue that I am a widow. I totally understand that however, it just felt like I had a big sign saying she is a widow without her ring. I know that was all in my head of course but that’s what it felt like to me.
You may be wondering okay so what happened, what did you do, did you take it off? Well, yes and no! Yes, I took off my wedding ring that my husband placed on my finger when we were engaged and married. But no I didn’t stop wearing a ring on that finger.
My husband and I talked about getting new rings for our 20 year anniversary which would’ve been last year. We were going to renew our vows for the “part two” of our lives.
Well, that never happened but I am so grateful that my husband bought me a beautiful black diamond ring ‘just because” 3 years before he transitioned. He would say babe, this ring is for you to wear whenever you want to switch it up.
I would wear it from time to time but my original wedding ring was beautiful and it was the ring we became one with.
Fast forward to present day I went to my box opened it and I placed the black diamond ring on my finger. It feels good knowing that my Devan bought this for me and only God would know how important it would truly become to me. So I have been wearing it for a couple of weeks and I like it. I know what you’re thinking Kimberly you are still wearing a ring on your wedding finger. Yes, I am but for me it’s a safe transition.
Will I put back on my original wedding band? I don’t know but what I do know is that for now this is where I am.
So I want it leave you with this if you are at a crossroad about what you should do with your ring or if you should take it off. You do what feels right to YOU! Remember no one can tell you how to do any of this as it relates to being a widow.
Not even another widow!
