You have the power to decide to look at this like a burden or an opportunity to show empowerment. 

You get to decide at each moment how to view it. 

Please know that you are absolutely allowed to have a day where you stay in bed, what happened sucks, you just can’t overstay your welcome. 

Find a purpose. 

Find a way to honor your loved one.

Think of ideas that can help you step through your grief process, not walk around it. 

We honor my late husband by doing and inspiring others to do acts of kindness in his name. My husband was WAY nicer than me. He was innately kind. If we would have ever divorced, everyone, even my own family, would have blamed me. 

This day is mostly for our daughter so she can feel him and his impact in her life because he can’t physically be here.

 It is also for me, it gives me a purpose/goal to do on his deathday.  The day he died was the worst day of my life. It was unimaginable.  It actually replays quite frequently in my head in the weeks prior to his deathday. 

I had to do something to make that day bearable.  That is what I did. 

If you want to lay in bed all day and cry, do it. 

Just find a way to challenge yourself to honor your partner in whatever way suits you best. 

So some Cory ideas I have come up with other than the day of kindness are: 

Rent a jeep for a day and go around with the top down (he loved his Jeep, I made him sell it when we had our daughter, which I still regret by the way).

 Do a Nacho tour: find the best nachos in the area we are living in. He LOVED himself some nachos.

Do a double feature in a movie theatre, he loved movies, I do not. 

Think of the things your partner loved and turn it into a challenge that will hopefully bring some joy and create a new memory. 


Tricia Kauffman is a mother, widow, sister, daughter, friend, and school counselor. She has been in education for 20 years and loves to work with kids. Tricia was widowed after a 12 day battle with pancreatic cancer that her husband was diagnosed with one day before his 39th birthday. Their miracle IVF baby, Margaret Pearl, just turned three in Feb and Cory died in March. She started a Kindness group on Facebook in honor of her husband to create a legacy of kindness for our daughter called Kindness 4 Cory.