Home – what does it mean after loss❔

Home is often described as a place where we find:

🏠 safety

🏠 security

🏠 stability

But, what does home mean to you NOW?

Prior to the death of a partner, we often took home for granted. It was the busy resting pad for us. A place to unwind, host friends and family and be your authentic self. At some point in the day or week, it was where we were able to regroup with our partner in our own space.

When my husband was alive, home was with him. I didn’t spend much time thinking about it. Wherever we were was where I belonged.

How I wish I could take back those moments and have my home again.

Now, without him, what is home?

For many it has become a lonely place often filled with overwhelming memories. Not to mention new worries that may have arisen such as increased financial concerns. For me, it’s become a quiet place with my dog as my only companion.

Our concept of home was drastically altered when we lost our loved one.

Since becoming a widow, I have relocated. I often wonder when, how & if I shall ever feel at home again.

How many mementos of a past life are healthy to have? Can I move forward if I cling onto the past? Am I ready to move forward? Do I want to do so?  

One thing I am certain is that I can’t escape the longing for the life I had.

Nor can I create the future I had anticipated.

My home today❓

It’s a work in progress. Sometimes a haven and other times not as much.

During the pandemic’s most frightful times, I spent way too much time in my house (as we all did). I was so grateful to have a home. It became my refuge but it was also a lonely place.

I have learned that it doesn’t matter where I live. Home today is mostly dependent on what’s going on inside my head. The demons and angels lie within me.

To find my home I must accept a revised reality where new experiences can meld together alongside my old memories.

“There’s no place like home”

I do hope, in time, you are able to find your way back home.

Forever evolving,

Susan

About Susan Kendal

On May 20, 2014, Susan’s world came crashing down. Her 54-year old husband passed unexpectedly of a heart attack. The years since have been a whirlwind of emotion, trauma & joy (yes, she said joy, thanks mostly to the birth of her grandchildren).

Over the next 5 years, Susan experienced additional heartache following the death of her dad & both of her brothers. She knew her only way to make sense of all her grief was to find a way to use her experiences to help others.

Now, armed with a grief educators certificate from David Kessler, a coaching certificate, her learned experience and inspiration she has set out to make a difference in the lives of the bereaved.

Living with loss is a lifetime challenge. When someone dies, friends and family rally around the bereaved for a short time. Soon after, the conversation changes from one of comfort to one of anticipation and judgement. The bereaved are given a time frame to “get over it”. This antiquated notion leaves no option but to grieve in silence. Often silence can become isolating and cause mental and physical health issues.

Susan educates society on how to help those who are grieving by using her voice to speak up and share her learned and lived knowledge.

Susan encourages collaboration and dialogue so please reach out to her at evolve beyond grief on her website, Facebook and Instagram.