This year would have been seven years of marital bliss for us. For the last several weeks; my mind has been all over the place angry, sad, feeling lost, and just pure confusion. Even with all of the emotions that I am feeling; I still am preparing to do the same thing that I have done every year since day one. I am preparing to spend our Anniversary together. The way we spend it has been different since you passed away, it no longer consist of dinner together and exchanging gifts.
Now it consist of me getting dressed up to come and visit you at the cemetery, placing flowers on your headstone. It is so crazy, because I still take the time to pick out the perfect outfit make sure my make up, and hair is perfect. Even though you are at the cemetery it is still our anniversary. I can hear you saying, in your loudest voice my wife and I got married on Iron Bowl Saturday. I can remember it like it was yesterday, People was rushing off to get home to watch the game. I said, to you why would you pick iron bowl Saturday? You said, because I am a Florida Gator fan. Our wedding was small, and intimate just family and a few church members. I did not want a wedding again. All I wanted was to become Jamie Foster!!! I remember your hand shaking, and I cried as I repeated each and every wedding vow.
Now;I cry all the way to the cemetery to see you, and all the way back home. I can only trust that in time this heartache will some how get easier. I never imagined my life to be like this. I never imagined that I would be a person that waited my entire life to truly be made whole just to be left empty all over again. This emptiness is a dark place without the man that I love so deeply.
Now I must learn to fill the emptiness with other things to get me through the toughest of times. That is why I am so Grateful for Hope for Widows Foundation because it allows me to write. When I write it helps me to release, as I release it helps me to realize that I am not alone. It helps me to realize that it is a world of women who check the same box as I do (WIDOW).
Lucky number seven is still lucky even with Kenneth not physically here with me. I will forever consider myself Blessed for having such a great man that I was able to call my Husband. So, I challenge each of you even in your pain think of all of the great times, and moments that you have shared with your husband and consider yourself Lucky.