I had written this, what I believed to be, an amazing blog. I shared about facing struggles in our journeys and having the foundation to stand firm when life seems to be hitting us on all sides. Walked to my laptop to finish up the formatting, and it was gone.
Nowhere was it saved. Frustration filled my every being, and here I sat, looking at a blank screen on my laptop. Obviously, it was not the words that needed to be shared at this time; maybe I will write about it at another time. But here I am, no words could be found, so the decision was made to type and talk about how angry I am.
I had worked so hard on this writing. It meant a lot to me because I felt I had touched on some very important topics. I could feel tears building. Defeat consumed me. Questioning entered my thoughts why. Why did it not save? Why didn’t I take the time to finish the formatting after I completed the writing? I sent a text to my friend expressing my discouragement and concerns about what was next. When it hit me.
This is exactly how we feel when we begin our widow journey or when we are facing hardship in our life. This is the anniversary month of the loss of my husband, and I am sure my upheaval over this lost writing has nothing to do with the writing itself.
Words come easily to me, so having to rewrite really on a normal day would not put me in a tailspin. But as a widow, we have moments in our journey we are minding our own business, and WHAM!
Something so minute can cause a rushing flood of tears and anger that has nothing to do with the something but has everything to do with the grief we are experiencing.
So although I lost a great writing, I believe this is just a reminder to someone that what you are experiencing in your walk is normal. It is YOUR normal.
My writing gone was a trigger that Doug was gone. The anger I was feeling because I didn’t hit save was the anger I have been feeling going into the holiday season alone again. Consumed with defeat is the defeat I have been feeling lately as a single mom with no one in my corner.
Grief is such an interesting ride. Just when you think you have turned a corner to a smooth path, you are faced with a gravel road full of potholes.
Today if you have “lost your writing” and hit the gravel road, slow down. Take your time to feel every emotion you are needing to feel and express the hurt, anger, and loneliness. Because very soon, you will turn another corner, and it will be full of freshly laid pavement.
Love and Blessings