Solitude: the state or situation of being alone.
Losing a life partner is an unimaginable and life-altering experience. The void left behind can be overwhelming, especially when faced with the prospect of doing everything alone. I remember an incident after losing my husband. I was organizing some things in the garage, and I dropped a screwdriver back behind a shelf. Instantly, I thought oh, Doug will grab it later. As I walked away, I was a few steps in, and it hit me: he was not here to pick it up later. Garbage cans are rolled out and put back only by me. Decisions no longer need to be talked over. The isolated feeling of being a widow can sometimes be unbearable. But as time passes, we learn to embrace solitude while navigating through the challenges life presents after the loss of a husband.
It’s okay to feel tired of being alone. Let me say that again for someone… IT IS OKAY TO FEEL TIRED OF BEING ALONE! Acknowledging your emotions is huge in the healing process. The loneliness that follows the loss of a husband is a natural part of grieving. It’s essential to give yourself the space to grieve and recognize that it’s okay to miss the companionship, which can also bring up anger because you miss them so much and are exhausted from doing life alone. This is where grace must be given to yourself.
It took me a long while before I ultimately realized I needed to seek support. This is a hard one for someone who li
kes to do it on her own. Or thought I had to do it on my own. Surround yourself with friends and family who can provide emotional support. Whether it’s a shoulder to lean on or someone to share activities with, having a reliable support system can make the journey less lonely. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed. Find that friend you can call with the “silly” questions your husband had the answer to.
As time goes on and you continue this journey through widowhood, you will rediscover yourself. You will rediscover who you are as an individual. Now as scary as that sounds for some, remember we are giving ourselves grace through this whole process. This can feel scary but can also be such a massive part of your healing. Explore your interests, hobbies, and passions that may have taken a backseat during time as a couple. Reconnecting with your own identity can bring a renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Someone shared with me a few years after I lost Doug, “Don’t you love the independence you have?!” It froze me in my tracks, which was good, because I could have screamed hysterically at them. Independence? Are you kidding me? No, I don’t love my independence. See what I heard; don’t you love being alone? In reality, it has nothing to do with being alone and more to do with having the strength to keep moving forward. While it is natural to miss the partnership and shared responsibilities, embracing independence can be empowering. Take pride in your ability to manage tasks on your own and celebrate small victories. This newfound self-reliance can contribute to personal growth and resilience.
In time you may consider opening yourself up to new connections. Building friendships or exploring the possibility of a new romantic relationship. This is a personal decision that varies for everyone. Trust your instincts and take things at your own pace. Don’t forget you are the author of your story, no one else.
The journey of navigating life alone after the loss of a husband is undoubtedly challenging, but it is also an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Please do not cut yourself short on what you can and have accomplished alone. By acknowledging emotions, seeking support, rediscovering oneself, embracing independence, and opening up to new connections, you can find a path to healing and a renewed sense of purpose in your solo journey.
Love and Blessings
About Jacki Corta
Jacki Corta is a motivational speaker, intuitive life, and grief coach along with the founder and CEO of Strength > Struggle™. The brand she discovered after traveling the journey of cancer with her husband. She started the Strength>Struggle™ crusade, helping others find their inner strength during some of the scariest times. In 2014, her husband, Douglas was diagnosed with Glioblastoma brain cancer and 20 months later passed away, giving Jacki a new title… Widow. It is Jacki’s mission to share her story with the world and how it can positively impact others in whatever they may face. It is a story of unexplainable strength in life’s most challenging storms, overcoming adversity and finding hope while traveling the difficult path her life took.
It is her ability to communicate and willingness to be vulnerable that connects with her clients and audiences. Jacki believes her purpose here is to impact as many souls as possible showing them that through even the darkest days there is a glimpse of light to grab onto for them to find their strength. Jacki will empower, challenge, and give you a new outlook on your own story.
She is a mother of three adult girls and a Mimi to two beautiful granddaughters. You can follow more of her story and inspiration on Instagram @jackicorta or listen to her podcast Jacki Has a Voice on Spotify.