First when I think of this saying “Nobody’s Gonna Know….How would they know” I think of all of the cute memes you see of kids doing little things like stealing the candy out of the pantry. (As you can tell, in the beginning I might have been  spending lots of time scrolling on social media to numb myself) But as widows, we do a lot that nobody is going to know, and unfortunately they will never know. Which then begins to make you feel isolated and unable to share what you are experiencing. 

Here’s a few things that come to my mind; (and I am sure you could add a few more)

 -always buy more than one death certificate 

-have a good lawyer

-be prepared to be sold overly priced plots of land, for the burial

-the army of people that were there to offer “help” at the funeral, will disappear

-people will ask what you need, when you do not even know what you need

-picking out a casket, the color, the clothes….the details that feel that they matter, but do they?

No one will ever know what I have walked through, and I will never know what you have walked through. While we might have both gained the title of widow, we have not walked the same journey. Over the last year I have connected with two other widows in my area. I am grateful for that connection and was hopeful it will fill that empty void I have, but it did not. Why? Because even though they have gained the same title as me, their story looks completely different than mine. That is okay, this is my story and their story is theirs. As a community we are supposed to be able to relate, sit and listen to those not have the exact same story as them. God created us as a community, to work together beautifully and not to be all the same. 

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.- Philippians 2:2 ESV

During those first few months I had a team of people helping me, and that team had a team. But as time went on, so did the army of people that were there to help. My circle got smaller and smaller, no one to know what I was continuing to walk through as time went on. In the beginning it was so comforting to know I had the help of many people but still they will never know what I walked through. Holding it all in was not healthy, and telling just anyone who would listen was not the exact answer either. I began to journal, I enjoy working out daily, and just sitting and being quiet listening to what God is telling me. I have began to take time for myself, because I am the only one that knows what I have walked through. 

While no one is ever going to know, they will at some point know. We will all walk through loosing our spouse, some earlier than others. And every story looks differently but one thing remains- we are not alone. So friend, here is your permission to do something for yourself. Find something you used to enjoy or find something new. Either way, know that you aren’t alone. 

About 

Gwen lost her late husband of thirteen years in 2023, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2022 but ultimately the cancer won. During his cancer diagnosis and treatment, her family clung to God. As much it hurt, they knew his end was coming but God was going to continue to provide. Her entire life changed the day he passed, but she knew God would provide. Over the last year, she has had to handle juggling all of the hats that her late husband would assist with. Some being the financial provider, being not only a parent but also a teacher to her two young children whom she homeschools, and handling everything else to just name a few. Widowhood is not anything she ever saw coming, but has accepted the new title along with many others and has continued to experience growth. She has said that God has provided a blanket of comfort and continues to wrap her in it, daily.

While there are challenges daily, and sometimes she feels as if she is not up for the task somehow she manages to overcome the challenges. Join her as she shares raw, emotional moments in being a widow. Community is and has meant a lot to Gwen and she wants you to know that you aren’t alone either.

Gwen finds joy in living an active lifestyle, being a part of an amazing CrossFit Community, church community and homeschool community.

Gwen Albaugh

Gwen lost her late husband of thirteen years in 2023, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2022 but ultimately the cancer won. During his cancer diagnosis and treatment, her family clung to God. As much it hurt, they knew his end was coming but God was going to continue to provide. Her entire life changed the day he passed, but she knew God would provide. Over the last year, she has had to handle juggling all of the hats that her late husband would assist with. Some being the financial provider, being not only a parent but also a teacher to her two young children whom she homeschools, and handling everything else to just name a few. Widowhood is not anything she ever saw coming, but has accepted the new title along with many others and has continued to experience growth. She has said that God has provided a blanket of comfort and continues to wrap her in it, daily. While there are challenges daily, and sometimes she feels as if she is not up for the task somehow she manages to overcome the challenges. Join her as she shares raw, emotional moments in being a widow. Community is and has meant a lot to Gwen and she wants you to know that you aren’t alone either. Gwen finds joy in living an active lifestyle, being a part of an amazing CrossFit Community, church community and homeschool community.

All Posts by Gwen Albaugh