Grief is a complex emotion, and it can be particularly challenging for children. As a grandparent, I play a unique and essential role in supporting our grandchildren through the grieving process. When Glenn passed we only had one grand. There are now 4 precious littles. How I wish he was physically here to be a part of their lives but I know he is each and every day.
Over the almost 5 yrs since his passing we, as a family, have come up with some practical tips to help you navigate this delicate journey:
1. Open the Lines of Communication
Children may struggle to express their feelings, especially when dealing with the loss of a parent or another close family member. Encourage open communication by:
• Asking Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking, “Are you okay?” try asking, “How are you feeling today?” or “What’s on your mind?”
• Listening Without Judgment: Let them share their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or correcting them.
• Validating Their Emotions: Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. These are normal responses to loss.
2. Create a Safe Space for Expression
Children need a safe environment to express their grief. Provide opportunities for them to do so in various ways:
• Art and Crafts: Encourage them to draw, paint, or create something that represents their feelings.
• Storytelling and Journaling: Suggest they write about their favorite memories or tell stories about the person they lost.
• Physical Activities: Sometimes, physical activities like sports or even a simple walk can help them process their emotions.
3. Maintain Routines and Structure
Grief can make children feel as if their world has turned upside down. Maintaining a routine can provide a sense of normalcy and security. Stick to regular meal times, bedtime routines, and other daily activities as much as possible.
4. Be Honest and Age-Appropriate
Honesty is crucial when talking about death and loss, but it’s important to tailor your explanations to the child’s age and understanding:
• Young Children: Use simple and clear language. Explain that the person has died and won’t be coming back, avoiding euphemisms that might confuse them.
• Older Children: They may have more questions and a deeper understanding of death. Answer their questions honestly, even if you don’t have all the answers.
5. Encourage Remembering and Honoring
Help your grandchildren find ways to remember and honor the person they’ve lost:
• Memory Boxes: Create a memory box where they can keep mementos and cherished items.
• Photo Albums: Put together a photo album or scrapbook with pictures and notes.
• Special Rituals: Establish rituals such as lighting a candle, planting a tree, or having a special day dedicated to remembering the loved one.
6. Model Healthy Grieving
Children learn by observing the adults around them. Show them that it’s okay to grieve and express emotions. Share your own feelings and coping strategies, demonstrating that it’s a normal part of the healing process.
7. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, grief can be overwhelming, and professional support may be necessary. If your grandchild shows signs of prolonged or severe distress, consider seeking help from a child psychologist or grief counselor.
8. Stay Connected
Maintaining a strong, supportive presence in your grandchild’s life is crucial. Regular visits, phone calls, or video chats can help them feel connected and supported, even if you don’t live nearby.
Supporting a grieving grandchild is a delicate and ongoing process. Your love, patience, and understanding can provide a vital source of comfort and stability during this difficult time. By being there for them, you’re helping them navigate their grief and find their way toward healing.
About Pam Williams
Pam hails from Texas, where she grew up as the eldest among her siblings. With over 15 years of experience in education, she has spent the last four years working as a graphic design instructor. In the spring of 2011, as both she and her future husband Glenn approached their 41st birthdays, they met despite the complexities of their pasts, affectionately referred to as "the luggage." This encounter marked the beginning of a beautiful journey as they blended their families, a union that felt destined.
As a mother and bonus mom to five adult children (along with two wonderful sons-in-law), Pam is also a proud grandmother to four adventurous grandchildren. Tragically, she became a widow when Glenn passed away due to complications from a congenital heart condition on November 3, 2019. Throughout their life together, Pam has frequently documented the highs and lows of their experiences through blogging and journaling. Encouraged by many to share her story, she has embarked on a personal blog, with plans to publish her writings for everyone to enjoy.