What do you do when your greatest fear becomes your unexpected reality?
Did the unexpected loss make everything in your life feel ever more terrifying? Or did you feel hopeless and depressed and stop caring?
This week I am reminded that everything good and beautiful comes to an end. Flowers wilt, festive pumpkins will rot, hot sunny summer days transform into crisp fall days with far less daylight. And my precious loved ones are aging and changing before my eyes. My little boys are growing tall and need their Mommy to hover less, worry about them less and let go just a little bit more. And my dear precious elderly loved ones are changing. In some small ways, it feels like they are fading away little by little. A little more off balance. A little more forgetful. A lot more tired.
I brace myself as the smaller changes inevitably happen and I fear the biggest changes of all: Another major loss of a loved on whom is nearest and dearest to me. That is the unfortunate reality of living in this fallen world. Nothing good is every permanent and nothing ever feels certain. We spend time, money and energy each day trying to prevent harm, injury and death. We wear helmets, sunscreen, seat belts, and take precautions whenever we can. Oh how I long for a place where we can be entirely safe and guaranteed health and happiness. A place we can be with our loved ones and never experience losing them. No separations. No losses. No pain. No broken hearts.
Thankfully I know a place like this truly does exist. It is called heaven and because of Jesus’ death on the cross, all who believe in Him can go there someday. In the mean time, however, what do I do? A better place and a reunion with my amazing husband feels like forever away. I am reminded of the importance of trying to stay present in a moment and looking for good and beautiful simple things to be thankful for. And I will never forget that our time here with loved ones isn’t guaranteed. Every hug, every time I can hear their voices, call them, and see their smiles is a gift.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it more likely to be due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.