Like a Bird with a Broken Wing

Did you ever find a bird with a broken wing when you were a child? Do you remember holding it lovingly and putting it in a shoebox, watching how the poor thing struggled? How the vet said it might heal, but it would take time and patience.
There are times when that’s exactly how I feel. Life goes on around me, yet there is this delicate part of me that is forever mending. I wake up each day, carrying his memory with me, knowing that my heart will never be the same. Like that bird, I’m learning to find balance in this new world—one where he is absent but still present in everything I do, in every choice I make, in every quiet moment. I obviously don’t know how the bird felt, but I imagine it must be excruciating to have its purpose—flight—taken away. In my life, my purpose was intertwined with my soulmate’s for almost 20 years.
He passed away eleven months ago. Soon it will be a year and as that anniversary approaches, I feel torn about how to honor him in a way that would mean something to everyone who lost him on that day.
At times, I just want to fall asleep on December the 22nd and wake up on January 2nd when all the Christmas hustle and bustle is over. Other times, I think I should do something wonderful to match the wonderful man that he was and how we were fortunate to have had him in our lives. Yet others, I just want to run away, hide somewhere away from everyone, have peace and quiet to talk to him, light a candle, buy a white rose. He so loved to bring me flowers!
There are so many things about the marvelous man that he was I want everyone to know. I am fully aware of the fact that nobody is perfect, that he had his flaws like we all do; that being a spouse is not the same as being a child or step-child; that we tend to idealize those who have gone. And yet, to me, he was a true partner. He was the person I could share everything with, my deepest secrets, my flaws, my aspirations, my weaknesses, my challenges, my dreams. What can you do when that person is no longer there? Where do you go to express that grief? How will that gap ever be filled?
So today, like the bird with the broken wing, I feel I might heal, if ever completely, but it will take a long time, patience and all the strength and resilience I can muster.

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Support Widows This Holiday Season!

As we approach the holidays, the Hope for Widows Foundation is seeking sponsors for our annual Bring Hope Holiday Program. This initiative supports widows facing financial challenges, helping them provide gifts and essentials for their children during this special time of year.

Want to make a difference? Become a sponsor and bring hope to a widows family this holiday season. Every contribution, big or small, helps spread joy and light. For more details and to sign up, visit: httpst//linktree/hopeforwidows

Note: If you are a widow in need of support this holiday season, the widow application will be available at the end of October or the first week of November. You can find it at the same link.

Let’s make this season brighter together!

About Carmen Medina

Carmen is a 65-year-old widow who is living in Spain. She was born in Vancouver, B.C., Canada to Spanish parents. Since 2019 she has been living in Antequera in the south of Spain. She was married to Barrie Eggington, her soul mate and love of her life till he passed away on December 23rd, 2023, after a long battle with lung cancer.

Thanks to Hope for Widows, which she found online just a few weeks after his passing, Carmen found a group who not only understood what she was going through when few others did, but also solace in her sisters in grief, a place where she could express her feelings and find the resonance she needed.

Carmen has been an English teacher and teacher trainer for over 30 years in Europe, the Middle East and North America. She still teaches English and is the principal at the government funded language school where she is currently working. She spends her time with her daughter and grandchildren. She goes to the gym every day, loves the beach, particularly Torremolinos where she reminisces about the time she spent there with her late husband.