I went for my Sunday walk on the industrial estate where I have a magnificent view of “Barrie’s rock”. 😊
When I walk alone, I always have my phone with me and listen to news or music. This particular Sunday, I was listening to 93.7 JR Country. a song I had never heard before played and I found myself so identified with it! The truth is, I’m not ok; however, I do think I’m going to be alright.
I mean, for many of us widows, this new status is the beginning of a new reality. The more people involved, the harder it is. This is an understatement because if there are children and next to no help, the widow has to deal with her grief, the loss of her soulmate and the day to day routines as well as being as whole as possible for her grieving children.
An entirely different kettle of fish is having greedy family members on the scene, things get even worse if there wasn’t anything “official”, in other words paperwork involved. The now entitled family members will do their best to make the new widow’s life impossible.
How can humans be so worthless? How can they attack when a person is at their saddest? What has happened to core values like empathy, solidarity, altruism, solidarity and compassion?
I’ll be turning 66 soon and quite frankly after what I witness day to day in the realm of widowhood as well as in everyday life makes me sad to think of the world my grandchildren are going to inherit. And this is only in the world of widowhood, let’s not think about climate change (parts of Spain have been tragically hit by it, so many lives have been lost) or the wars that are raging around the world!
This brings me to my second ponder: the less prior stability, the less prior independence, the harder it is. If you decided to give up your financial independence to become a stay-at-home wife, you are left defenceless. What kind of world accepts this? A wife works hard and the more people in her care, the harder she works. What caregiver works for free? None other than a wife, a mother, a daughter, a widow!
While listening to the song my outrage grew, because there are so many women in need of help, so little help out there for them.
And as in many other stages of life, there are “classes” of widows, the official ones who may or may not be entitled to “official” help. The ones who are widows but have no “official paper” that allows them that status. The ones who aren’t considered widows because they weren’t with their spouses long enough. There are so many nuances to the word “widow”. I myself hate the word. I hate the fact that I am one because it means my soul mate is no longer with me.
This was all triggered by a song! A song that made me reflect on how lucky I am to have lived with a man that was kind, respectful, the light of my life, the partner that every person regardless of their sexual orientation would have wanted was taken from me.
It also made reflect on how lucky I am to be independent, to have a job, to have freedom of action and of choice.
It made me reflect on all the sisters all over the world who struggle. I say, don’t despair! We are one and we will help each other. We need to stay strong; we need to be there for each other; we need to unite. I am so grateful to you all. I don’t know how I would have coped without you all. Thank you.
We are not ok, but some day, somehow, together, it just may be alright!
P.S. The song is by Jelly Roll
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Support Widows This Holiday Season!
As we approach the holidays, the Hope for Widows Foundation is seeking sponsors for our annual Bring Hope Holiday Program. This initiative supports widows facing financial challenges, helping them provide gifts and essentials for their children during this special time of year.
Want to make a difference? Become a sponsor and bring hope to a widows family this holiday season. Every contribution, big or small, helps spread joy and light. For more details and to sign up, visit: httpst//linktree/hopeforwidows
Note: If you are a widow in need of support this holiday season, the widow application will be available at the end of October or the first week of November. You can find it at the same link.
Let’s make this season brighter together!
About Carmen Medina
Carmen is a 65-year-old widow who is living in Spain. She was born in Vancouver, B.C., Canada to Spanish parents. Since 2019 she has been living in Antequera in the south of Spain. She was married to Barrie Eggington, her soul mate and love of her life till he passed away on December 23rd, 2023, after a long battle with lung cancer.
Thanks to Hope for Widows, which she found online just a few weeks after his passing, Carmen found a group who not only understood what she was going through when few others did, but also solace in her sisters in grief, a place where she could express her feelings and find the resonance she needed.
Carmen has been an English teacher and teacher trainer for over 30 years in Europe, the Middle East and North America. She still teaches English and is the principal at the government funded language school where she is currently working. She spends her time with her daughter and grandchildren. She goes to the gym every day, loves the beach, particularly Torremolinos where she reminisces about the time she spent there with her late husband.