Double Widow: surviving and flourishing,
After just 20 years of marriage and 3 teenagers I found myself a Widow. It was not a surprise to me, we had nearly 10 years to prepare, but who is ever prepared. I did not do well, I avoided my grief, stayed very busy and did not have the nerve to face it head on.
8 years later I married again to my husband’s best friend who had been widowed 5 years prior. We blended 2 families of 3 adult children into 6 adult children. Since they were already friends the blending was not difficult at all. To this day they consider each other to be siblings.
Then 23 years later there I was again. Did I learn from my earlier experience, some, but again I was not prepared. Are we ever prepared.
Becoming a
widow is not like any other life experience. There is so much to do, so many decisions to make, so much to think of and if that were not enough there is the grief. Grief for once again being left.
Apparently, I am good at surviving. It has been 13 years since my last episode of widowhood and I am not enjoying it, I am surviving and flourishing. I refuse to let it get me down, very often, of course there are days, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and vacations not taken, etc. I have always been very independent (thankfully), so I just keep on keeping on.
Now at 85 years of age I have accepted my life. I mostly do as I want. I travel to visit family several times a year, even though airline travel is not what it was, but as long as I am able, I will be on a plane going somewhere.
I encourage all widows to try very hard to stay busy, read, garden, travel, do what makes you happy. Why NOT?
About Ruth Saunders
At 39 years old, Ruth Wester found herself a widow raising three teenage children. Her husband, Greg Wisdom, was just 35 when he was diagnosed with cancer. Greg worked as both a firefighter and a paramedic and faced nearly ten years of treatment—chemotherapy, radiation, and multiple surgeries. In the end, his body could no longer keep up the fight. After 20 years and 17 days of marriage, Greg passed away, leaving behind a loving family.
Eight years later, Ruth married Mel Saunders, who had been a close friend of Greg’s and had also lost his spouse five years earlier. Their friendship and shared life experiences brought them together. They blended their two families—each with three adult children—into one. Thankfully, the children were already friends, and the transition was a smooth one. But after 23 years of marriage to Mel, Ruth was widowed once again when he passed away.
Over the years, Ruth has worked in a variety of roles. She was the editor of a newspaper for an all-male fraternal organization for 17 years, published a small children’s magazine, and worked as a dental assistant and medical receptionist.
Today, Ruth is retired and lives in Florida with her small dog, Sophie. She enjoys spending time at the beach with her daughter and stays active in her community. Ruth coordinates a widows’ support group that meets monthly for lunch and conversation. She also runs a card ministry, sending handmade greeting cards to widows who could use a little encouragement.
Ruth’s life has included great loss, but she continues to find purpose in connection and care for others.