Honoring the journey of a widow as she navigates her grief and its persistent presence is one of the most precious gifts you can give. Saturday, August 30, 2025 is National Grief Awareness Day. It is a special day set aside each year to bring attention to what grief is and why understanding it matters. We can help our widows heal more gracefully when we are able to better understand how to support them through their grief.
My husband moved to Heaven nearly six years ago now. There are many people who believe grief should no longer be an issue, and surely, I must have “moved on” by now. What does “move on” mean? Does it mean I don’t miss him anymore? Does it mean I should know how to survive life without him? Did I replace all the places in my heart he filled for nearly 37 years so his presence with me, or more specifically, his no longer being present here with me, doesn’t matter… never mattered? How is it possible tears can still start falling without warning when a memory or other trigger enters my existence?
How do we get rid of grief? Are we supposed to get rid of it? Is it something that hurts or infects us and needs to be cured? Why do we need to understand it? Are we supposed to avoid it and refuse it entrance into our being? If we get contaminated with grief once, do we build up an immunity to it so it can’t get us a second or third time?
The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. It also describes it as a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow. Psychology portrays grief as an emotional response to the loss of something significant, often associated with the death of a loved one. It can also occur due to other losses like a relationship or job. Grief involves a range of feelings, including sadness, anger, and confusion, and varies greatly from person to person.
A few months ago, someone whose life filled another significant portion of my heart went home to Heaven. She was 88 years old. She lived a full and rewarding life and I only knew her for about eighteen months. I admit, I entered this relationship more as a contract than a friendship. I think I was reluctant to open my heart too much, so I could avoid an emotional attachment that could result in more pain. It felt like the pain I was already bearing was more than enough. As I got to know her, I found myself unable to keep my resolve to keep my distance in my heart. I found I wasn’t being authentic, trying to change who I was just to guard my heart from possible future distress. My heart opened like a flower and as I allowed myself to build a real relationship, it became a full garden of beautiful blossoms.
When my new friend moved to Heaven so quickly, it was one of those triggers grievers often talk about. There were many parallels between her last months of life to the last months I spent caring for my beloved husband. Memories and emotions were rampant. Try as I might, I could not stop them. Tears soaked my pillow night after night.
I was given a chance to share a tribute to her at her memorial service. As I thought about what I would like to share, I came across this story by James Tippett titled The Train of Life.
The Train of Life
At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we believed they would always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us on life’s journey alone.
As time goes by, some significant people will board the train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.
Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed we won’t realize they vacated their seats! This train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.
A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all passengers, requiring we give the best of ourselves. The mystery that prevails, is we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. Thus, we must try to travel along the track of life in the best possible way — loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing.
When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty — we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue to travel on the train of life.
And let’s remember to thank our God for giving us life to participate in this wonderful train ride.
In the midst of my new layer of grief at yet another loss, this little story gave me a new perspective. I realized how thankful I was I got invited to ride on my friend’s train, and have her as a passenger on mine. Even though my time with her was brief, she left an indelible impression that will forever flavor the remainder of my journey. I thought about all the people gathered to honor her, and realized I now had many new friends because our lives intertwined through our relationship with her. My life was enriched by their presence in my train and the friendships we forged here.
It has been said grief is simply unexpressed love. Defined this way, grief isn’t something we should avoid or try to overcome, but something we should embrace. It is a reflection of the love we feel for the person or people we miss. God, in His Word, gives us the freedom to mourn. We can hope to always feel some measure of grief for our loved ones whose train made its last stop in Heaven.
Grieving doesn’t mean I’m broken. It just means I still feel the love I had for my husband. As my train takes me further into my future, my grief took on new dimensions. My unexpressed love expanded as I miss my Dad. I miss my Father-in-law, one of my best friends, and most recently this new friend.
When we love and cherish the people in our lives it is inevitable some will depart this earth before us and we are going to miss them. Sometimes that hurt is going to get elevated above all the other things we feel. Tears will soak our pillow once again. We might get distracted easily and we might not act like our normal self.
Grief awareness matters. Friends, family and communities can choose to support a grieving widow with gentle kindness. We can let love be a benchmark of all we do. Let love lead so we listen and hear with our hearts. Understand and acknowledge the pain is real and allow it be expressed so our widows can be encouraged when we validate her feelings. Kindness can be a soothing balm so she can take a deep breath and then release it.
Perhaps death can be described as a beacon to show us what makes life beautiful. It magnifies our realization our time here is finite, and reminds us to make the most of it and remember what is important. Take a moment today to consider the people you have on your train. Who could use a kind word? Who makes you laugh? Who do you count on when life throws a curve ball? Who will leave a vacuum when they are no longer here? Who will fade into the past without a second glance?
Sometimes it is a good idea to take inventory of the lives who anchor and support us in the hard things as well as the good. It is these souls we want to put in the first-class cabin of our train and be deliberate to nurture and grow our relationship with. The ripple effect of our presence reaches so much further than we may realize.
I didn’t expect grief to hit me as hard as it did with my new friend. Sometimes I wish we could release grief or finally be rid of the pain that can come with so much force even years later. I miss this friend. I still miss my husband even more, plus my Dad, and the others. I’m grateful for the new friendships my relationship with her brought. I’m grateful for how it grew and strengthened relationships I had that were touched and enriched because of her.
How’s your journey going? Do you have a good relationship with all your passengers? Are you giving the best of yourself? Are you trying to travel along the track of life in the best possible way — loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing? That’s how you honor a widow when she is trying to navigate the grief she feels. Give her some grace when she stumbles because the grief load got heavy once again. Offer to share the load by letting her share the pain triggered in her heart. I can assure you she will treasure your presence on her train. You may find yourself feeling the same way.
And let’s remember to thank our God for giving us life to participate in this wonderful train ride. Have a blessed and beautiful day.
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.