What hobbies or interests have you found difficult to do that you enjoyed before your husband died? Or maybe you don’t feel like doing them at all. It’s common for widows to loose interest in things we enjoyed before our heart-and-soul loved one left this earth. Have you found yourself thinking about doing something you have never done before? Maybe you’re surprised at what you find yourself drawn to. This is also normal. Widows often develop new interests sooner or later.
I have loved reading ever since I was a young child. I had stacks of Little Golden Books from the age of five years old. Novels became my friends as a teenager and beyond. I immersed myself into the stories, b
ecame the main character, and journeyed to new places. Through self-development books I learned interesting things about human behavior, spirituality, faith, achieving goals and much more. In addition to reading, I loved to write stories that I imagined about characters I created. I also liked researching various topics and sharing information through non-fiction writing and teaching.
After my husband died, I lost interest in reading anything longer than a Facebook post. I checked out stacks of books from the library but rarely got past the first chapters. I couldn’t seem to focus. I went from reading 1 to 3 books every week for most of my life to actually finishing maybe 5 novels during the past 11 years.
I also lost my creativity and desire to write after he
passed. I didn’t see any purpose to it. I loved writing long before I met him, and during our marriage he was my cheerleader. The flames of desire to write extinguished after he passed. I have written and even been published since his death, but the passion fizzled. My writing has become sporadic. I’ve been “working” on the devotional and memoir for over 5 years. What hobbies or creativity have you lost interest in? Or maybe you still do them, but your heart just isn’t in it like before.
Hope is rising, though. I am finally reading more. I have purchased some new books and am downloading new ones to my Kindle library. I’ve even read a few from beginning to end. (I don’t do well with audiobooks, as has been suggested to me. I’m a visual person and easily distracted listening to someone read).
My writing muse is waking out of her dormant stage. Commitment to writing a blog for a this grief website is sparking ideas and keeping me more focused. I have nervously accepted a contract to co-write a book knowing I will be under a deadline. Stepping out of my comfort zone is also helping my brain rewire and fanning the embers of words and book ideas within me still wanting to be written. We widows are faced with a lot of “stepping outside of our comfort zone” on this grief journey.
Neuroscience finds the trauma of spousal death changes our brains in various ways. In the beginning months and years, our brains are trying to process what has happened. Other things get filed away until it’s able and ready to open them again, or to bring in something new. We just don’t have the mental, emotional, or even physical energy or desire for activities or hobbies we once enjoyed (what spousal loss does to our brains is a whole area of study and discussion).
We widows must give ourselves grace and nurturing when we find it difficult to do things or lose interest in what we once loved. Maybe over time we will enjoy them again. Or not. We may find we really don’t care about those any longer as we discover new areas of interest, or creativity, or hobbies.
All of that is ok. Turns out it is a normal part of grief. Just don’t give up on healing one-step-at-a-time for as long as it takes. Don’t allow anyone to tell you how long it’s been or what you should or should not be doing. They can not understand the path we widows have been thrust upon and no one else knows the personal grief you carry and live through. Move forward and live forward, as best as you can.
You are not the same person as you were before your world up ended
with your husband’s death. In time you may begin to enjoy doing things again that you did before. You also have every right to do and experience something new or take up a completely new hobby, travel, or even up and move somewhere far away. You may find yourself wanting to do something family or friends feel is out of character or even absurd.
Even though grief is personal to each of us, know that you are not alone in what you go through on this journey. We widows need each others support, encouragement, and understanding. We’ll be happy you’re doing things you once loved. We’ll understand if you never want to do them again. We’ll even cheer you on if you decide to try, explore, or do something totally new even if others think is outrageous.
Photo Credits: Pixabay: nad_dayagileva, wal_172619, marieOC, JohnnyHarvest, Unknown, Pexels
