Holiday stress may already be tugging on your mind, heart and emotions as we come to what most people find to be a very important time of the year. The television is promoting deals and Christmas movies as they seek to stir the emotions into festivities and make many sales. Stores, churches and communities are getting out the seasonal decorations and plans for parties and celebrations are in the works. Some people are excited for some much-needed time off, while others are gearing up for long hours and little sleep.
Then there’s the widow. She might be facing this season for the very first time since her husband moved to Heaven. She might be on the path for her second season, once believing if she could get through that first year… the rest would be easier. She might be like me… facing my sixth Thanksgiving and Christmas without my beloved husband and wondering where in the world did the time go? She might be quite young… with small or even older children depending on her to guide them through this time and knowing each decision might leave lasting impacts on how they mature and handle the difficulties of life going forward. She may be (or feel) completely alone… with no one to put their arms around her and reassure her. She may be very physically ill. She may be struggling with financial difficulty or feel abandoned by the very ones she so depended on. She may even be one who was able to gather all her ducks and put them in a row and is confidently facing a future of hope. The widow has so many faces, so many facets, and is each and every one a unique masterpiece created by God.
A beautiful aspect of this season is Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on our blessings and give God the glory for the many ways and the many things He provides for us. Our heart strings are either playing a lively tune of gratefulness for the people and bounty we have or it’s playing a mournful tune that reflects our fear of the unknown. This is a time to be grateful and not take for granted the people and advantages we have been given to enrich our lives. Even in the light of this terrible loss, we all have people, possessions, and circumstances God gives us to encourage our journey and keep us safe so we can continue to live our lives.
The reason we celebrate Christmas is to recognize God sent us His very own Son to come and experience human life and to willingly give His own life in exchange for our sin so we can choose to live our eternity with Him. It’s the ultimate gift of love. We can recognize and rejoice in a hope that gives us an everlasting future. It’s a reminder the things we are experiencing today are just a tiny step in our journey. Even when we are hurting, discouraged and fearful, Jesus’ miraculous birth reminds us of our own miracles. God’s love for us is so far beyond what we can fathom in our humanity.
Our hearts fill with so much over the Christmas holiday. Families gather and many people take time away from the routines we follow the majority of the time. Some people engage in customs and traditions that span weeks at a time over this season. Sights, smells, and the sounds we’ve grown accustomed to at this time tug and pull on a very fragile and sensitive heart.
Wherever a beautiful soul has been there is a trail of beautiful memories. – Ronald Reagan
Holidays can affect our hearts in a myriad of ways. Our hearts are tender and vulnerable even when we wear a tough exterior. As I was thinking about this, I was wondering how I could encourage your heart today as we enter this season. I came across this story from a grief counselor designed to help us put things in perspective so we can be encouraged.
There was a man who was overweight and out of shape. He was given the choice of either doing better, or dying. He decided to go to the gym every day. On the first day, he walked over to the hundred-pound weight set and tried to pick them up. He couldn’t budge them. Rather than quit, he went around the gym, working here and there on what he could do.
After a week of working out as much as he could every day, he tried to lift the hundred-pound weights again. He still couldn’t do it. Day after day, he returned to the gym, doing what he could do.
Week after week, he tried to lift the hundred-pound weights, always without success. Then, finally, the day came he picked the hundred-pound weights up! It was only about an inch from the floor – but he did it!
Encouraged, he increased his work outs, doing more and more of what he could do. Every week after that he was able to lift that hundred-pound weight a little higher, and hold it a little longer.
At long last he was able to lift that hundred-pound weight set above his head, and walk around the gym carrying it!
You may wonder what this has to do with grief and with the walk through widowhood. First consider the weight. Did the weights change? Did they grow lighter?
NO. The weights are inanimate objects and stay the same.
What changed first was the man’s desire to do what he could do to help the situation. He grew stronger by doing a little bit every day on a consistent basis. He grew wiser in how to lift, and how to carry the weights. Eventually his effort paid off and he conquered what seemed impossible when he began.
Many widows view their loss and grief like the hundred-pound weight set. It doesn’t change or go away. We too can choose to tackle our circumstances by taking the steps we need to take each day to overcome our obstacles. It requires a change in the way we think about it and it requires a change in our hearts. We can get stronger and wiser at lifting and carrying our grief and sorrow.
Grief is a form of love. It is the pent-up love you can no longer give or share; and it is the loss of the love you can no longer receive.
The change in our attitude is critical. We choose to want to keep moving forward and live a vital and meaningful life. This fuels our ability to hope and accomplish the steps we need to take to bring us where we want to be and do the things we want to do. We have a part to play in our transformation. No one can do this for us. We must take these steps ourself.
Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it, but also the father who wipes away the tears.
– Criss Jami
We don’t need to do this alone. When we have God as our Father, we are not alone. Father God is standing by, ready to offer encouragement, provide His wisdom, and put the people and resources we need in our hands. All we need to do is yield to God and allow Him to do His part so our part becomes so much easier. We still need to choose to work with Him and allow Him to work on our behalf. We need to receive what He provides and take the steps He shows us we need to do.
Keeping an optimistic attitude can be a challenge in and of itself when we are feeling overwhelmed with grief. Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means even on hard days we choose to believe better ones are coming. We hang on to the hope God gives us on a daily basis through each next challenge we face.
God is not only the God of comfort. He is the God of restoration and renewal. He specializes in bringing beauty from ashes and turning mourning into dancing. Our widow’s heart may be heavy now, full of countless fears, concerns, needs, and memories. Like the man in the story, we take one day at a time and do those things we can do. We choose to trust God is working behind the scenes to bring about His perfect plan for our life. Our holiday heart can come through this season layered with more joy and peace.
Let us shine with hope through the days of giving thanks, being with family and friends, and as we celebrate family traditions and not only face heartfelt memories but move forward to create new moments that will be our cherished memories in our future. God bless each of you during the weeks ahead. May you feel much love and find those special people and occasions to be refreshed and know you are loved.
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Support Widows This Holiday Season!
As we approach the holidays, the Hope for Widows Foundation is seeking sponsors for our annual Bring Hope Holiday Program. This initiative supports widows facing financial challenges, helping them provide gifts and essentials for their children during this special time of year.
Want to make a difference? Become a sponsor and bring hope to a widow’s family this holiday season. Every contribution, big or small, helps spread joy and light. For more details and to sign up, visit: https://linktr.ee/hopeforwidows
Note: If you are a widow in need of support this holiday season, the widow application will be available at the end of October or the first week of November. You can find it at the same link.
Let’s make this season brighter together!
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Well said Teri. I plan to share this with other widows at GriefShare tonight.
Thank you kindly Barbara. I pray God will open hearts to His love and compassion as we all continue to progress forward to wholeness and the future God has in store for each of us.