Pain and suffering can be very isolating. Friends who have not experienced the loss of a partner have a difficult time comprehending your situation. Often, they disappear from your life … not because they want to hurt you but because they are afraid to confront their own fears that arise when they observe your situation.
In truth, they have probably buried those fears so deep that they are not even aware of why they run from contact with you. Although your first reaction may be anger or disappointment towards them, instead, try to be happy for them because they have not yet experienced the pain of loss. As everyone does, they will one day and you’ll be able to help them with loving understanding.
You’re only in charge of your own feelings and actions, so don’t waste your energy on trying to change their reaction to you. They are just not ready to look below the surface when it comes to matters about life and death.
A better use of your time is to concentrate on searching out friends who understand you. I like the explanation put forth by C.S. Lewis on how a friendship commences. He wrote:
“Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another –
What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
This statement underscores the importance of developing a supportive network. It helps your healing process when others validate your thoughts. This allows you to feel less alone as you fight your battles. Additionally, you have an army of supporters who will revel in your everyday successes.
If you haven’t yet joined or reached out privately to any members in this group, you might do so through our Closed Group on Facebook. I am aware of some fabulous friendships which have developed through this venue.
Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/groups/hopeforwidows
In order to join, please send an e-mail or message via our Facebook page. Please rest assured that although the comments posted in this group appear in YOUR newsfeed, only people in the group can see them. Additionally, in order to make it a more secure environment, each member is vetted before being granted access.