Looking forward

Stepping out of your comfort zone can be very scary! Paralyzing actually…. 

But I did a thing. It might not seem like a big deal to some but it was to me.  I got a new job. I left a job after 18 years.  Yikes!!! So to say I have made some lifelong friendships, is absolutely true. My coworkers aka my “work family” were with me through some of the happiest times of my life and the single most devastating time- the death of my husband.  

People talk about how you shouldn’t make any big decisions for a year. Whoever tells you that has not walked in your shoes. They have not had to literally rebuild their lives from the ground up.  I made some big decisions early on and it wasn’t easy but they were necessary.  We moved to a new town, bought a new home, and started at new schools.  I’ll say it again- kids are more resilient than us.  But the constant in my day to day routine was my job. It was something that I could count on taking my mind off the utter devastation that our life had become.  Something that I was comfortable with and had a supportive work family. 

But slowly over time, I felt like it was my crutch.  It would be so easy to become stuck. Something that I continue to struggle with. Stuck in the past, when my love was by my side.  Stuck thinking of what could have been, what should have been.  And I decided to take a leap and try something new. I remember the morning of the interview looking in the mirror, putting on my makeup, and praying to my love, asking him to be with me and give me courage.  And then the lights flickered.  I don’t always see “signs” but in that moment, knew he was with me.  

It has been an exciting, stressful, and scary to start something new but I am looking forward to learning new things and meeting new people.  I feel like I have made a decision that is not only a great opportunity for me, but it is something that benefits our family. I am home with our kids more, not working long hours.  And it has helped alleviate the anxiety the kids were feeling about when I was working and when I would be home.  It always comes back to them.  They are my world, I will do whatever I can to ensure their well being. 

There is one thing I miss…. my work family.  They were and still are so supportive and loving.  Encouraging me to try something new and celebrating with me when I got the job.  I know that we will never lose touch.  Here’s to moving forward and trying something new.

“It takes courage to let go of the familiar and embrace the view.”

About Elda Marcelynas

Elda Marcelynas lost her husband Jim, on March 2, 2017. He was driving home from work when a dead tree fell on his truck. To say their world was shattered in an understatement. Their daughter was 6 and their son had just turned 4 a few days prior. She is forever grateful to their families, friends, and continued grief therapy for pulling them out of the deepest, darkest, hole that almost buried them. It is a journey that continues every day.

Elda has never been much of a writer, more of a reader. And mostly for diversion (historical romantic novels), nothing serious. Her husband would joke that she could get lost in a book for hours. It was the truth. But the joy of reading went out the window, along with many things she/they used to enjoy. What she has realized, is that if she had known what the future held when she met Jim, she would still have chosen him. Again and again. Elda hopes that by sharing her journey of grief, that it may help just one person. And allow others to understand and be more compassionate to the obstacles that are faced by an only parent. Elda started a blog a year after Jim died: The Club I did not choose where you can read more at: https://theclubididnotchoose.blog/

You can also find her on Instagram: @eldamarcelynas