I am a remarried widow. I am blessed to have two amazing love stories. But being remarried is not easy. It takes a lot of work. A ton of grace. And an endless supply of compromise.
I am not the same person I was when I married my late husband 20 years ago. I have changed, grown. And my new marriage is not comparable to my first marriage.
My late husband and I were married in our 20s, we grew together, found our way together, became parents together. We celebrated all our significant firsts together.
My new husband and I were married in our 40s. I am widowed. He is divorced. We both bring the hurt, the pain, the trauma from past experiences to our new marriage. And while my love story ended because my husband died, his ended by choice.
For five years I was a solo mom to a boy who lost his dad way too early. And for nine years he was a single dad who shared custody of his daughter with his ex-wife. Very different circumstances. I was mom and dad. I was on 24/7, all parenting responsibilities rested squarely on my shoulders. He had his daughter half the time. He and his ex-wife shared parenting responsibilities. While he no longer had a marriage partner, yet he still had a co-parent. I was used to making all of the decisions for my son without consulting anyone. And for him, consulting someone was the norm. Now we are learning how to parent together. Figure out how to blend a family. Make our marriage a priority while reminding our children just how important they are to us.
Our core values are the same and that’s important. Vital to our relationship. But our experiences have shaped us. I am more let’s see how it goes. Live for today. Never say no to an adventure. My husband is black and white. Walk down the middle of the road. Plan for tomorrow. I guess it’s true…opposites attract. We know we love each other and want our marriage to be successful but trying to find a balance that works for us has not been easy. It’s work, hard work. But it’s worth it.
Marriage is never easy. And marriage after loss is hard. At least for me, it seems harder. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to focus on my marriage, blend a family, honor my grief, and live my best life. Marriage takes work. Communication. Honesty. It was not easy to take the chance on love after I watched my spouse die. Opening my heart to love, taking a chance on happily even after was terrifying . But it has been so worth it.