One thing I have learned about grief, is that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. There is no right way to do grief. Only the way that is right for you. No matter what you do or don’t do, someone is going to point and judge. You have to develop a thick skin and not let others comments affect you. 

 

Here are just a few of things that have been said to me: 

 

You’re healing too fast.  How could you possibly be moving forward already?

You’re healing too slow.   Why aren’t you over it yet?  

 

I don’t like this person you’ve become. 

When will the “old” you return?  

 

It’s been months, it’s time you started dating.  

I can’t believe you’re dating already.  

 

You’re too young to spend the rest of your life alone. 

Did you even think how your child must feel seeing you with someone else?

 

Your child has become your entire reason for living.  That’s not healthy.

You’re too focused on yourself.   You don’t think about anyone else. 

 

You always talk about him. No one wants to be reminded that he is dead.

You never talk about him anymore.  Did you forget him?

 

You’re young, you’ll find love again.

If you really loved him, you would stay single for the rest of your life.

 

And the list goes on and on.   

 

No matter how well you think you are handling your grief, someone will point out how you are doing it wrong.  No matter how hard you try to be the best solo parent you can be, someone will tell you how to do it better. No matter how hard you strive to find a new normal and put your life back together, someone will try and suck the wind out of your sails. 

 

But I have learned, no one can grieve for me.  No one is walking my path except for me. I have to grieve how I feel is best. And I can’t worry about what anyone else may or may not think.  So to those who point and judge, go ahead judge away. But to those who support and encourage me, thank you. Thank you for letting me know I’m going to make it. 

 

There is only one way to grieve.  And that’s my way.  

About 

Carla always knew she would be a widow but didn’t have any idea how it would actually feel. When Carla met her late husband Jared, he was waiting for a lung transplant due to Cystic Fibrosis, a chronic disease affecting the lungs and pancreas. So she knew that most likely someday she would say goodbye to her husband. But she never dreamt it would be exactly one week before their 14th wedding anniversary. In August 2014, Jared was diagnosed with a rare bacterial infection in his transplanted lung and was expected to survive at least 6 months if not a year. Instead, he died just 6 weeks later. And in the blink of an eye, Carla became a solo mom to their 10-year-old son. And even though her life was forever marked before and after, she was determined to live life to the fullest because her husband would expect no less.

She founded Breathing for Jared, a Foundation to provide college scholarships to those suffering from lung disease in honor of her late husband. Became a supporter of the CF Foundation and Donate Life. And discovered that writing out her emotions and fears on her blog Transplant Wife and Widow helped her to process her grief

Carla recently remarried and is now blending a family with her new husband, bonus daughter, and son.

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Carla Duff

Carla always knew she would be a widow but didn’t have any idea how it would actually feel. When Carla met her late husband Jared, he was waiting for a lung transplant due to Cystic Fibrosis, a chronic disease affecting the lungs and pancreas. So she knew that most likely someday she would say goodbye to her husband. But she never dreamt it would be exactly one week before their 14th wedding anniversary. In August 2014, Jared was diagnosed with a rare bacterial infection in his transplanted lung and was expected to survive at least 6 months if not a year. Instead, he died just 6 weeks later. And in the blink of an eye, Carla became a solo mom to their 10-year-old son. And even though her life was forever marked before and after, she was determined to live life to the fullest because her husband would expect no less. She founded Breathing for Jared, a Foundation to provide college scholarships to those suffering from lung disease in honor of her late husband. Became a supporter of the CF Foundation and Donate Life. And discovered that writing out her emotions and fears on her blog Transplant Wife and Widow helped her to process her grief Carla recently remarried and is now blending a family with her new husband, bonus daughter, and son.

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