One thing I have learned about grief, is that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. There is no right way to do grief. Only the way that is right for you. No matter what you do or don’t do, someone is going to point and judge. You have to develop a thick skin and not let others comments affect you.
Here are just a few of things that have been said to me:
You’re healing too fast. How could you possibly be moving forward already?
You’re healing too slow. Why aren’t you over it yet?
I don’t like this person you’ve become.
When will the “old” you return?
It’s been months, it’s time you started dating.
I can’t believe you’re dating already.
You’re too young to spend the rest of your life alone.
Did you even think how your child must feel seeing you with someone else?
Your child has become your entire reason for living. That’s not healthy.
You’re too focused on yourself. You don’t think about anyone else.
You always talk about him. No one wants to be reminded that he is dead.
You never talk about him anymore. Did you forget him?
You’re young, you’ll find love again.
If you really loved him, you would stay single for the rest of your life.
And the list goes on and on.
No matter how well you think you are handling your grief, someone will point out how you are doing it wrong. No matter how hard you try to be the best solo parent you can be, someone will tell you how to do it better. No matter how hard you strive to find a new normal and put your life back together, someone will try and suck the wind out of your sails.
But I have learned, no one can grieve for me. No one is walking my path except for me. I have to grieve how I feel is best. And I can’t worry about what anyone else may or may not think. So to those who point and judge, go ahead judge away. But to those who support and encourage me, thank you. Thank you for letting me know I’m going to make it.
There is only one way to grieve. And that’s my way.