I read a news article yesterday, and the reporter stated that the widow was “still“ struggling with her grief one year later. And that word, still bothered me so very much. Upset me greatly. Of course she is “still“ struggling with her grief. It has only been a year.
Of course she is still struggling. Anyone who has suffered a great loss can tell you that you never stop grieving. Grief stays with you forever. It doesn’t necessarily get easier, we get better at handling it.
Why is it that our society thinks that we should miraculously recover from grief after only 365 days? When did that become the norm? How are we expected to forget and move on like it never happened? Why is it OK to judge someone for missing the person they loved?
That’s why as a widow I share my story. I want people to understand that grief is forever. Yes, we pick ourselves up and move forward. We continue to live. And we can be happy again. But we never forget. We always struggle with our loss. That’s part of grief.
Grief, like love, lasts forever.
Grief is not something we get over. It is something we do our best to get through. Through each minute. Each hour. Each day. Each month. Each year. Sometimes we are successful and sometimes we are not.
It has been 6 1/2 years since my late husband died and for the most part, I am in a really good place. I am happy. I love my life. Like who I have become. But there are still moments that take my breath away. Knock me to my knees. Make me miss him with every fiber of my soul. There are things that happen, things that people say, that make me feel as if his death just occurred yesterday.
I still grieve. I will mourn his loss forever. On the anniversaries. On holidays. When our son excels, achieves great things. On birthdays. On the ordinary days. I still wish he was here. I wish Jared could see how well our son and I are doing. That he could see the amazing young man our son has become. He would be so proud. When it comes to our son, that is when I miss Jared most. Grieve our loss.
Grief is not something we ever get over. It is something we live with every day.