I’m the me I’m supposed to be – at this moment.
And, guess what?
I don’t want to be the person I once was. So, stop trying to fix me!
I can no longer be that person. She was only whole when completed by my other half.
He is gone and a new me has to emerge.
Not because I am shattered and need to be fixed; but, because I am a different version of myself. To move forward, I must trust that there are possibilities to uncover beyond the heartbreak.
“We forget how big the shadow of grief and trauma can be.” – David Kessler
Grieving is hard work. It takes its toll on much of my life including friendships and the future I had envisioned.
Taking back control
And yet, I refuse to become its victim. I am determined to take control of my grief and find its lessons.
The aftermath of death is painful, lonely and complicated.
But it doesn’t mean I have to stay in a dark place forever.
The wound is the place where light enters you – Rumi
Through the shadows I am aware of a new, better version of me beginning to emerge. Although it is difficult to acknowledge, this revised version would never be possible had I not suffered so much loss.
I am accepting the heartache loss has created and devising a path thru it. I am taking the power back and reclaiming my life in my own sweet time.
The revised me is more empathetic, mature and independent. I no longer sweat the small stuff and I am acutely aware of the greater good in people. Thru the grief, I have also discovered what I can do to create a more meaningful life and help others. Ironically, I have also found a greater appreciation for the simple joys in life.
There are many parts of the new me that I am proud to become and some I shall miss. Sadly, I suspect I shall frequently descend into melancholy and have an innate loneliness that I never had before.
It’s not easy to take charge and make change. There is much baggage to unpack.
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.” – Mahatma Gandhi
I am allowing myself a gift. I shall try to accept the bumps along my path and not live in fear of judgment. Nor will I crowd my mind with an unrealistic and arbitrary schedule for healing that is created by those who don’t know any better.
My journey. My time. My life.
I shall become the key influencer and decision-maker in my life. This will allow me to move forward and become the person I know I can be.
Who is the new you?
forever evolving
About Susan Kendal
On May 20, 2014, Susan’s world came crashing down. Her 54-year old husband passed unexpectedly of a heart attack. The years since have been a whirlwind of emotion, trauma & joy (yes, she said joy, thanks mostly to the birth of her grandchildren).
Over the next 5 years, Susan experienced additional heartache following the death of her dad & both of her brothers. She knew her only way to make sense of all her grief was to find a way to use her experiences to help others.
Now, armed with a grief educators certificate from David Kessler, a coaching certificate, her learned experience and inspiration she has set out to make a difference in the lives of the bereaved.
Living with loss is a lifetime challenge. When someone dies, friends and family rally around the bereaved for a short time. Soon after, the conversation changes from one of comfort to one of anticipation and judgement. The bereaved are given a time frame to “get over it”. This antiquated notion leaves no option but to grieve in silence. Often silence can become isolating and cause mental and physical health issues.
Susan educates society on how to help those who are grieving by using her voice to speak up and share her learned and lived knowledge.
Susan encourages collaboration and dialogue so please reach out to her at evolve beyond grief on her website, Facebook and Instagram.
So proud of you and how you have emerged stronger and your desire to help others.
thank you. that’s so kind of you. i do believe helping others is really the best to help oneself
Thank you Susan. I’m only 11.5 months out. I can see how I’ve worked through so much shock but I now recognize I will always carry what you beautifully described, I “… shall frequently descend into melancholy and have an innate loneliness that I never had before.” That loneliness is for my beloved.
I’m trying hard to embrace life as my beloved did, each day my steps are less uncertain but that longing remains.
Truly, you are still in the early stages of grief. Don’t beat yourself up. There are good days and difficult days ahead. Hopefully, the good days outweigh the others as you continue on the journey.
our loneliness is a product of being bless with true love. I wish you the best and thank you for reading my blog.
Thank you
There is life beyond grief. God has blessed us with many joys. Remove the curtain of grief and find the new world. I never thought that i will be here but by the grace of God I am here. Hope God has many things for me. Hope I may get what a lonely man need. I feel strong by reading your testimony
Thank you for your beautiful words. I pray for us all. 🧡