So true. I would have never thought that at 38 I would lose the love of my life and become a widow. I thought widowhood was for older people, I had no idea. I remember getting all of this “advice” from people who I know meant well, but they seriously had NO CLUE! Sure what they said sounded good and was maybe the etiquette thing to say, but did they really know?? Did they know how if felt to have your whole world turned upside down in a matter of seconds, what it was like to have your children scream and cry for their daddy?? I can remember there were so many days I spent on my floor in the closet screaming into his dirty clothes bag. Why? What did my kids and I do to deserve this horrible tragedy? Why didn’t Bryan’s heart start back and he come home to us, for goodness sakes it was 10 days before Christmas when he died. He had the only wrapped gift under our tree. So again I say, you would have to have been through it, to understand it.
As the days, months and years are going by, I feel like I am learning so much about myself. I have found strength in some of my darkest moments, I have learned that I have to really dig deep and stand up every time I feel like I get knocked down. I have also learned to appreciate all the “little things” that are now “big things” that he did; I always knew I had someone that would take care of things for me and also take care of me, I miss that so. Widowhood is hard, lonely, sad, and can rob everyday of joy and suck the life right out of you. I am learning and choosing to continue the “grief battle” and trying my best to rise above and find my joy and peace in this new life I was thrown into. I hope my words, as scattered as they may be, can be of some help to someone and that through my post I can continue to heal.