Suggestion: Don’t take everyone’s advice.
No one knows the intricacies of your widowhood.
Don’t let anyone tell you what you should do and when you should do it. In time, you will get your routine down and see that you can do this. You aren’t going to be amazing every day, but most days you will.
Don’t let anyone tell you what to do with your partner’s stuff. In time you will come to realize the necessities and what is donatable. Ask family members what means the most to them, if you can, give it to them. Keep what you want. Keep nothing. There is no judgement either way. Remember things can be photographed and documented so the memories that are tied to the objects are not lost, they are just in a different place. Very similar to your spouse actually. Or keep it, keep all of it. Do what you want with all of the stuff.
There might be times where we need advice on the “stuff” we aren’t navigating through successfully. You might need to listen if financially you aren’t able to pay the bills or you are forgetting. Then get a financial person to help. Please get someone you trust to keep your information private if you want it to stay that way. If your children need counseling, get them help. If you aren’t navigating basic needs, ask for help from community members. There are SO many resources that can be provided in so many ways…seek that out.
Navigating through who and what to trust while in a grief fog can be very difficult. Give yourself grace and allow yourself time to process what to compartmentalize and what to address at the time. Compartmentalizing is needed during widowhood because grief can impact every part of your life, if you allow it. Learn your own needs and see what you can put to the side and what you can navigate through successfully. Grief doesn’t impact all parts of your life. I found work wasn’t a trigger for me, so I went back quickly. I didn’t expect Cory to walk through the door at my office, but man… being at home and not hearing the garage door go up, was SO difficult. Allow yourself a space that is safe from hurt.
People will give you unsolicited advice. Do not take this personally or that you are doing something wrong.
There is no wrong in Widowhood, just the best we can in that moment.
