When my late husband died, my world shattered. Life as I knew it came to a screeching halt.
I had to redefine myself.
Figure out who I was as a widowed, solo mom.
And finding my new place didn’t happen overnight.
It took time. Years in fact.
While I was discovering what I wanted my life to be post loss, I met someone new. And we fell in love and married. And I continued to redefine myself. Figured out my place in this world.
I had to figure out who I was as a remarried widow blending a family.
And that changes frequently.
There is no guidebook for life after loss. There is no manual for love after loss.
When my late husband was alive, I loved buying birthday cards, anniversary cards, all the sappy words to honor our love story. And now that has changed.
As a remarried widow, I hate buying anniversary cards. They all say something about not being able to live without you or starting a life and family together.
And for my new marriage those sentiments do not apply.
I know I can live without my new husband. I don’t want to but I know I can.
I’ve already done it once.
And even though we started a new life together, we already had children. So cards about watching our children grow don’t work for us either.
I haven’t found an anniversary card yet that says we met later in life, after we both had loved before and we were willing to open our hearts to love again.
I haven’t found a card that says I choose you to help raise my child. I choose you to help make our two families one.
I haven’t found one that says I don’t need you but I want you. I can do life without you but I don’t want to.
I haven’t found one that says you may not have been my first love but I want you to be my last. Do you promise we will grow old together?
As a remarried widow, I haven’t found the perfect card for love after loss. But I have found myself.
I found my new normal. My new place in this world.
I found who I am.
I am a remarried widow, raising my family, making memories, and taking grand adventures. I am the memory keeper.
After my world came crashing down, it took me a long time to discover who I wanted to be. And I finally have.