Opening a New Chapter
Sitting and reflecting on how my life has changed in 1095 days. All of the hopes, dreams, and goals we shared together each day is becoming a distant memory. I can’t even smell you on your plaid robe anymore. I walk into what was your room, and see your recliner filled with clothes, and blankets as it is now just a room to store things in. I look on your bookshelf and see your Bible collections, I touch them hoping to feel you. I even looked at your dvd’s and said I was going to watch Spider-Man, superman, and the avenger’s to see why you watched them over and over again. I even removed some of our pictures that was all over the house. I took a few to my office so you would be with me there.
Opening a new chapter is never easy, but I realize that I must learn to live, and love again. I must learn to take down these walls, I must learn to let go of this pain, I must let go!! I fear that if I don’t I will miss out on life. I still have dreams and goals that we planned, dreams and goals of my own. Opening a new chapter does not have to be a bad thing; it can actually be a good thing. Opening a new chapter does not mean forgetting you, it just means learning to adjust and adapt to my new normal. Never forgetting you or the love that we shared, the memories that we made. It just means I can no longer take this pain of missing you.
I can no longer wish that I have been dreaming for the last 1095 days. Opening a new chapter means that I will not settle for anything less then what you did when you were alive. I know that you would only want the best for me. Opening a new chapter does not mean I will not think of you everyday, opening a new chapter does not mean that the tears will stop falling like they are at this very moment.
Opening a new chapter does not mean that if given the opportunity I would live our marriage over and over again. Opening a new chapter does not mean I will pack all of you in a box. Opening a new chapter does not mean my heart will ever be mended again. Opening a new chapter means that I will try to open my heart and love again only for the right person. Opening a new chapter means that I will not rush into anything, it simply means I will wait patiently on God to see what he has for my life moving forward.
Opening a New Chapter can be a good thing, it means trying to get my life back, my identity back. So after 1095 days I am going to try my best to walk into a new chapter in my life be it as a widow, in a relationship, or marriage. I will start a new chapter building it and making the best I can in this lifetime.
I am ready to embrace this new chapter wherever it may lead me. To the readers we all share the same pain in many different ways, when the time comes open your new chapter, because life changes in seconds that we can never get back.
Walk in your New Chapter