“If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”
– Regina Brett
Can this quote possibly hold true for a widow?
Initially we are not able to look beyond our own self after a traumatic death such as ours. When our life is shattered by grief, we tend to revert to a toddler-like egocentric stage of development. Our tremendous loss takes away our ability to think outside our reality. Self-survival is our only mode. We can barely do more than wake, cry and (sometimes) sleep as all our energy is depleted by the depth of our sorrow.
Eventually, we begin to take baby steps back into society. Slowly, in our own time, the veil lifts and we see beyond ourselves.
Reemergence
I remember the conversation I was having when I realized I was ready to move beyond my dark, painful world and acknowledge the difficult life circumstances of others again. At that moment I understood that it was important for me to return to some level of integration. It was time to join the living world. Helping my friends and family reminds me that I still have purpose and value. I hope that I can use my personal knowledge and training to be compassionate without judgment or comparison.
Trading places
As the world is confronted by the current Russian invasion of Ukraine, I am again reminded that my life is better than so many others.
Today, I woke in a warm, comfy bed. Then I flicked on the electricity, chose my clothes, ran the hot water, eat a healthy breakfast and had time to relax with my coffee before beginning the rest of my day.
I have many blessings that are often overlooked.
No matter how difficult and lonely my life is without my departed husband – and it is difficult & lonely – there are so many who have problems I would never want to take on as my own.
Fragility of life & sending blessings
I am reminded by my loss to (try) to live in the now. In fact, grief has taught me to appreciate life.
I send my strength and compassion to the innocent who are bravely defending their homes and families against an unbearable force. Please join me in a prayer for peace, on behalf of humanity, as we collectively share in the grief that will result from the massive death and destruction.
My pile of problems feels less burdensome but my heart aches for mankind.
Forever evolving
****** Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual event has returned on Saturday, April 2, and Sunday, April 3, 2022! Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: http://widowsofhope5k.racewire.com
About Susan Kendal
On May 20, 2014, Susan’s world came crashing down. Her 54-year old husband passed unexpectedly of a heart attack. The years since have been a whirlwind of emotion, trauma & joy (yes, she said joy, thanks mostly to the birth of her grandchildren).
Over the next 5 years, Susan experienced additional heartache following the death of her dad & both of her brothers. She knew her only way to make sense of all her grief was to find a way to use her experiences to help others.
Now, armed with a grief educators certificate from David Kessler, a coaching certificate, her learned experience and inspiration she has set out to make a difference in the lives of the bereaved.
Living with loss is a lifetime challenge. When someone dies, friends and family rally around the bereaved for a short time. Soon after, the conversation changes from one of comfort to one of anticipation and judgement. The bereaved are given a time frame to “get over it”. This antiquated notion leaves no option but to grieve in silence. Often silence can become isolating and cause mental and physical health issues.
Susan educates society on how to help those who are grieving by using her voice to speak up and share her learned and lived knowledge.
Susan encourages collaboration and dialogue so please reach out to her at evolve beyond grief on her website, Facebook and Instagram.